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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Wisdom

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!

 
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If she is holding a gun, she's probably angry.

 
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

 
I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

 
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

 
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

 
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet...

 
Old age is coming at a really bad time!

 
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grownup, it just feels like a small vacation!

 
The biggest lie I tell myself is...."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it".

 
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.

 
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

 
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

 
At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Thanks Kerry

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