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Friday, August 31, 2012

Friday's Vehicle

Collusion ..... Nah

Nathan Cullen's request to cross-examine officials from the departments of the environment, natural resources, transport and fisheries and oceans was met by a letter from the Department of Justice asking the panel to deny his appeal.

"It's a bit of an intimidation tactic," says Cullen. "All along, if you've been opposed or raised concerns about this pipeline, Mr. Harper's government has called you a radical or an enemy of the state. These are all tactics to say 'you're just going to have to accept what we tell you to accept.'"

Right or wrong the Northern Gateway pipeline will be forced upon us and should there be an environmental spill, we are all aware of Enbridges record and lack of conscience, Canadians will pay the price.

All questions should be asked and answered so we, the citizens, know that our government acted in our best interest and not industries.

We deserve better

Stephen Harper "et al" - Sleeping with the Communists

"We don't have clear rules, we don't have a clear process, we don't have a transparent process. The public has lost confidence," said NDP MP Peter Julian.

Selling Canada's resources to a country that oppresses its people

"Really you're not a bigot"

Co-owner Bill Koutroubis told the paper he's lost sleep over the uproar and claims he never meant to insult any cultural group.

He insisted that while he's familiar with the Metis, an aboriginal group of mixed white and First Nations heritage, he had no idea "half-breed" was a negative term

There is no denying you're bigot, claiming ignorance is not an excuse
once you added the "dirty drunken half-breed" to the menu
proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are a bigot
and should be charged with promoting racist acts

Advice for an old guy

I was working out at the gym when I spotted
a sweet young thing walking in....

I asked the trainer standing next to me,
"What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"
The trainer looked me over and said;
"I would recommend the ATM in the lobby…

Thanks Carolyn.... my cards maxed out

Pretty tricky

Thanks Ralph

For dog lovers

Thanks Sandra M.


Thanks Kerry

36 hour Cialis

Thanks Richard

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Thursday's Vehicle

Thanks Kerry

Let the Paralympics begin


BABES IN THE HOOD - by Heather McKeown

        Most flight attendants commute.  This is to say, we don't live near our base.  As mine is JFK and I call Vermont home, I do what most of us do; share a nice apartment with five good friends.  We're all different ages and stages but we're great housemates and truly like one another.  Love one another, actually.  I don't know what I'd do without the shared laughter, lessons and lives of these girls as I struggle against fatigue, homesickness and such.  It's a great set up!

        The day I was first invited to check this crashpad out, I was shown the room that would be mine and the kitchen and bathroom.  It seemed nice enough and the other occupants were to become inspirations to me in so many ways.  All that needed doing in the way of getting installed was to load a garbage bag with whatever was in my former abode and walk back to my new home away from home. So, I did.

        The funny thing about Kew Gardens, Queens, New York is that it's population is probably split pretty evenly between flight attendants, pilots and Hasidim with a good number of Russians and a sprinkling of Chinese folks thrown in for good measure.  There are two main commercial thoroughfares; Metropolitan and Lefferts Boulevards. On side streets, there are condos, statuesque homes, apartment buildings and brownstones with the bearing of old wise men.  My new home was to be the first floor of one of these brownstones and a strong, brick facade was the only thing that I remembered in detail following my introduction to the place.

        Garbage bag in one hand and crew baggage tagging along behind, I walked out of one crashpad and headed to my new digs.  I had a smile on my face and couldn't wait to settle in with some of the ladies I'd known for quite awhile and a few I'd never met.  Just as I came close to the line of houses, I saw a door open and out stepped a young Hasidim.  Orthodox Jews are some of my favorite people.  Around here, I love going out and walking among them on High Holy Days or the Sabbath.  It's the sense of family and wisdom I feel as I watch the children buzzing around their mothers and listen in on conversations between fathers and sons.  I love this!  It's like being on stage in FIDDLER ON THE ROOF again!  My children and I spent a summer rehearsing and performing in a stage made village of  Anatevka.  This is Kew Gardens and not a village in Russia during the time of the Czar so everyone's a bit more secure here.  Moods are lighter and children are happier here.  Thank G-d, eh?  I digress.

        “Oh, that man lives in my new building,”  I thought as I approached.  As I took the first step towards the man and the opened door, I said, “Hello!  I'm moving in here, today.”
        Without missing a beat, the young man opened the door a bit wider to accommodate my worldly possessions and offered a nasal, “That's nice.”
        “Thank you, Sir.  I think I'll be very happy in this apartment!”
        Again, “That's nice.”
        I passed him and entered into a living room which looked vaguely reminiscent of the one I'd seen an hour earlier.  There was a young woman wearing a long skirt, long-sleeved blouse and an obviously newly arrived wig,  sitting on a couch.  “Hello!  How are YOU?  I'm so glad to be moving in today!”
        She looked at me and said, “That's nice.”
        I looked around.  The gentleman was standing behind me, his wife on the couch hadn't moved a muscle and the little children that walked out of another room stopped and stared at me.  “ Dee, Bonnie and Heather live here?”
        “No.” said the lovely lady.
        “OH! I'm in the wrong building!  I'm so sorry! I guess we'll be neighbors, though!”
        “That's nice.”  the couple said in tandem.

        I LOVE THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!  I exited and there wasn't a change of expression on one of the little family's faces.  Every time we've passed one another since that mistake, we nod and smile.  Now, that's nice!

        The children in our little nook are always doing something cute.  They have pogo sticks, take tentative runs up and down the sidewalks on little skateboards (usually with mothers watching and giving warnings), ride bikes and traipse along behind and around parental units.  Little boys, proud of their prayer shawls and brimmed black hats, little girls in longish cotton dresses skip along happily.  Schoolyards filled with uniformed boys on one side.  Giggling girls on the other.  Who wouldn't love this area?  Especially healing elements for me during my homesick days away from East Berkshire, are these sights and sounds.

        The other day, as I walked by some of the most beautiful houses in the area, I was picking up on the Sabbath vibe.  People out and about on a sunny summer day didn't know I was living vicariously in passing.  From quite a distance, I noticed a woman pushing one of those two-seater baby prams. I didn't know what it was about her, but the woman, in a long dress with some very big, loud print designs busily jouncing along, was eye-catching and attention-holding.  What was I seeing?  I was about 200 yards away but we were closing on each other and I couldn't take my eyes off her.  She was a mountain of a woman.  No less than six feet two inches and a solid weight about her.    The carriage seemed to be jacked up like one of those monster trucks seen in most rural towns in this country.  It was an odd picture, I thought.  Yet, there was something else that caused me to focus on this woman and her carriage.  As we came closer, I noticed she carried a wide, big white teeth showing smile on her face.  It was not a grin or a coy little curving of the lips.  NO!  It was a big fat half-open mouth pre-laugh happy face!  If I may understate, it beamed and invited all comers to converse.

        Still thirty or forty feet away, I couldn't hold back any longer.  “Hello!  You have two babies in there?  You look so happy!”
        “Come.  Come and meet my babies.  One is fourteen months, the other a month.  Such good little babies, too!”

        Now, the woman was elephantine but extremely statuesque.  Perfect posture, strength from every angle and a great ability to speak and be heard, laugh and be ladylike and chuckle with warmth.  I went to the carriage and she removed the netting.  One little boy stuck a clean, beautiful, semi-toothed smiling face out.  His soft, light brown curls fell onto his wide forehead.  He was perfection and loveable.  The month-old cherub was asleep in his little nest and also beautiful.  As I stared down at the babes, I heard a man's voice saying, “My wife!  She's 59 years old and these are our blessings. 59, I repeat and, yes, the were C-sections but blessings they are.  Yes?”

        I looked behind the proud-to-bursting mother and saw a shortish, grey/black bearded man, brimmed hat and black suit dutifully worn.  He must have been in his seventies but the twinkle in his eyes erased any preconceived notions I'd ever had about aging men.

        “Hello, sir!  The children are gorgeous!”
        “Well, they came as our blessings, yes?  My wife, at 59, look at her!  And such a mother!”
        I looked back to the face of this Jewish Madonna (yes, it could happen!) and said, “I'm going to be sixty and I'd love to have more children!”
        She said, “We married late in life and we're now parents.  Who knew?  Our blessings!” she laughed out loud and finished with a soft, knowing smile as she looked down at me.  “It could happen.”
        “I'm afraid it can't, actually, but I'm so inspired by you!”

The names of the children were rife with the cchh sound, but I've forgotten their monickers now.  I thought I would remember them forever.  I guess I have to be satisfied with the permanently ingrained impressions of that new mother's smile, the father's chest-bursting pride and the faces of their two wonderful, beautiful, much-loved blessings.  Mazel tov!

        I'll walk on that street every chance I get, the Sabbath or not, in hopes of meeting this little family again.  Their joy, their bliss was visible, tangible and contagious.  When far away from Vermont, even if living with friends, flight attendants need booster shots of family life to survive.  Kew Gardens has it.  Who knew?

Thanks Heather

Greenfield Park Corner

Immutable Laws

Throughout time, human experience with the elements of our society have provided a history of repeatable occurrences. These occurrences then become accepted as Laws that govern our life. Here is a digest of the most obvious (and important) of those Laws:

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

If you don't forward this to your friends within the next 5 minutes your belly button will unscrew - and your butt will fall off.

Really....It's true !

Thanks Sam/Ellen

If I were a car

If My Body Was a Car!This is just too funny - scary how true it is!!!If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull…But that’s not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard to see things up close
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here’s the worst of it,

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or My Exhaust Backfires!
Thanks Sue Fran

World's strongest dad

Thanks Sylvia

Drunk Scotsman

If you want a good tune and a good laugh

Quote of the day

"and God created the orgasm;
so that women can moan even when they are happy."

Thanks Ralph

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Wednesday's Vehicle

Everything this Prime Minister does appears to be a conflict of interest

From altering environmental laws to push through the Northern Gateway pipeline on behalf of Enbridge to forcing the approval of Fox News North (Sun TV) ..... this Prime Minister and his office appears to be in a conflict of interest.....

Now his new puppet is being scrutinized over Barrack Gold.....

Is this not the Prime Minister who promised Canadians an open and honest government? It has become abundantly clear that Stephen Harper has no idea what "Open and Honest" means....

Mulroney and Chretien were Princes of integrity by comparison......

In the line of duty.....

Soldiers do what soldiers are trained to do....... bloggers, writers and media people have a right to say "yeh" or "ney" to their actions.... but first and foremost a soldiers actions are dictated by his/her government..... if you don't agree with their response then attack their government not the soldier..... they are simply doing their duty

While I can defend Ms. Burstyns right to speak out I cannot defend her attack on a grunt. It is unconscionable to blame the soldier and not attack those who ordered the soldier into the fray.

If you feel the fight is not justified then do not blame those who put their lives in jeopardy to protect what their government says is a just cause.... it is not the position of the foot soldier to take up your battle...... 

it is my position and yours to speak out on the injustice of our governments stance...

Bravo to the Toronto Police for protecting her right to freespeach

'Abe & Esther'

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. 
Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency 
landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and
we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. 
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks,
"Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?" 

"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our MasterCard yet?" 

"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says. 

"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send cheque for the Visa this month?" he asks. "Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either." 

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. 

Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"

Abe answers, 

Thank You......
"They will find us!"

Thanks Carolyn


Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." -- Babe Ruth

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.  --Ernest Hemingway
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  -- Paul Hornung
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!  -- George Bernard Shaw
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.-- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.-- Dave Barry

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C. -- W.C. Fields

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.-- Professor Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!-- Leo Durocher


One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm.
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Thanks Ivan

Silly LA Kings Captain

Thanks Sylvia

Stevie Wonder - sick humor

Stevie Wonder was granted a divorce after 11 years of Marriage.

Things turned nasty in court when his ex wife told him: “You can’t see the kids.”

Thanks Ralph

Life Graph

Thanks Marty