Lexophiles... or Puns

   "Lexophile" is a word
> used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can
> tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken
> pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the
> best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This
> year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
>                       
>
>
> .. When fish are in schools, they
> sometimes take debate.
>
> .. A thief who stole a calendar got
> twelve months.
>
> .. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles
> U.C.L.A.
>
> .. The batteries were given out free of charge.
>
> .. A dentist and a manicurist married.
> They fought tooth and  nail.
>
> .. A will is a dead
> giveaway.
>
> .. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
>
> .. A boiled egg is hard to
> beat.
>
> .. When you've seen one shopping
> center you've seen a
> mall.
>
> .. Police were called to a day care
> center where a three-year-old was
> resisting a rest.
>
> .. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?
> He's all right now.
>
> .. A bicycle can't stand alone; it
> is two tired.
>
> .. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
>
> .. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
>
> .. He had a photographic memory which
> was never developed.
>
> .. When she saw her first strands of
> grey hair she thought she'd dye.
>
> .. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
> That's the point of it.
>
>    And the cream of the wretched
> crop:
>
> .. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

Thanks Pat