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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Simple truths

SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say
"congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated.
No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather
sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with
nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for
everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the
waist?' he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, 'Well.....last week I sat
out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your
grandma's idea.'
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a
Corvette than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you
when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
THERE YOU HAVE IT... and remember, life is good.

Thanks Ivan

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