Friday, February 28, 2014
Harper the psychotic control freak
Documents expose Harper's obsession with control
The government of Stephen Harper is taking extreme steps to control all federal events, a process that has blurred the time-honoured separation of non-partisan public servants and that officials and public-policy analysts say is undermining democracy.
The government of Stephen Harper is taking extreme steps to control all federal events, a process that has blurred the time-honoured separation of non-partisan public servants and that officials and public-policy analysts say is undermining democracy.
OTTAWA—An MP’s Sunday afternoon visit to a seniors’ home. The federal purchase of powerful new military aircraft. A journalism student’s innocuous query about Africa.
One thing connects them all — the Conservative government scripted each event using a potent but little-known communication tool called the Message Event Proposal.
The Canadian Press has obtained almost 1,000 pages of MEPs from several government departments, including the Privy Council Office, under the Access to Information Act. The PCO, the bureaucratic nerve centre of Ottawa, has been conscripted by an increasingly powerful Prime Minister’s Office to vet requests for public events across the federal government.
The MEPs have blurred the time-honoured separation of non-partisan public servants and political staffers and sidelined seasoned government communicators, sapping morale across the civil service.
http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2010/06/06/documents_expose_harpers_obsession_with_control.html
http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2010/06/06/documents_expose_harpers_obsession_with_control.html
Useful Dog Tricks 3 performed by Jesse
Hey, I'd like to have a dog like that.................... Wouldn't you?
DOG LOVERS--MUST SEE
His owner is 21 years old and had never trained a dog before!
Thanks Heidi
Are you a Lexophile?
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophilles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
.. A will is a dead give-away.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. When you've seen one shopping Centre you've seen a mall.
.. Police were called to a day care Centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the wretched crop:
.. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
.. A will is a dead give-away.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. When you've seen one shopping Centre you've seen a mall.
.. Police were called to a day care Centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the wretched crop:
.. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
Thanks Kerry
Thought for the day:
It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
Thanks Ivan
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Scotch with 2 drops of water
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship And orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink The woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up' says the bartender As she finishes that drink, The man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too. 'The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming right up' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies 'Sonny, when you're my age, You've learned how to hold your liquor... Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'
Thanks Harry
Thanks Harry
close to home
Here are a few snaps from our area. Fall & winter. Saw a couple of orioles today so spring can't be too far off.
The woodpecker started with that small hole & you can see how far he's gone in 1 day. .
He was still at it today.
Take care
Norman
Thanks Norman
Port Elizabeth Chili Festival
Hi there!
This is the ad that's going out to Tourism, B&B's, Hotels, newspapers, etc.
Hope you like it!
Yes folks, it's happening!!! Can always use some more stalls as the
place is huge. Remember we need to satisfy the appetite of about
5,000+ people and there are a lot of Chili Heads out there.
There will be prizes and cash prizes of R1,000 for some cook-off's and
the Chili Eating Contest.
And do please limber up for the Limbo Dance contest :-)
Ciao for now, Heidi
Thanks Heidi...... party on
The little kitten named Miss Hap
Among all the inhumanity of war, this photo was taken in Korea, in 1953. The little kitten named Miss Hap was only two weeks old. She became an orphan because of war and was rescued by Marine Sergeant Frank Praytor. Her name was derived “because she was born at the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Thanks Kerry
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
No accountability in the PMO
PMO Charged $67,789.48 In Questionable Lunch Expenses
"The Prime Minister’s Office isn’t following the rules when it comes to hospitality expenses.
Over the span of the past three years, taxpayers have been on the hook for $67,789.48 to cover weekly catered lunch meetings for PMO staffers and ministerial chiefs of staff — an apparent violation of Treasury Board policy."
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/02/25/pmo-expenses-lunches_n_4850684.html?utm_hp_ref=canada-politics
"The Prime Minister’s Office isn’t following the rules when it comes to hospitality expenses.
Over the span of the past three years, taxpayers have been on the hook for $67,789.48 to cover weekly catered lunch meetings for PMO staffers and ministerial chiefs of staff — an apparent violation of Treasury Board policy."
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/02/25/pmo-expenses-lunches_n_4850684.html?utm_hp_ref=canada-politics
Cheat again? Seriously they can't win honestly
Harper's plan to win the next election: Cheat
The Harper government has introduced a parliamentary bill to boost their chances of winning seats in the next general election. Laughingly entitled the Fair Elections Act, Bill C-23 would legislate advantages for the Conservatives through voter suppression, and curtail the role of Elections Canada in promoting voting -- the exercise of the democratic franchise -- guaranteed under Section 3 of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
The Act has numerous features buried in nearly 250 pages of text designed to favour the ruling party. Notably, the Conservatives want to fix into law current advantages they have gained over the NDP and the Liberals in raising money from individual donors.
Incredibly, Bill C-23 would remove entirely from election spending limits, party spending for soliciting contributions from any donor who has contributed $20 in the past five years.
If adopted, this measure would allow the Conservatives to spend without limit to recruit funds from past donors, entrenching "first mover advantage" in a domain where in a previous guise (as the Reform Party) they excelled, while the other parties have been slow to catch up.
http://rabble.ca/columnists/2014/02/harpers-plan-to-win-next-election-cheat?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rabble-news+%28rabble.ca+-+News+for+the+rest+of+us%29
The Harper government has introduced a parliamentary bill to boost their chances of winning seats in the next general election. Laughingly entitled the Fair Elections Act, Bill C-23 would legislate advantages for the Conservatives through voter suppression, and curtail the role of Elections Canada in promoting voting -- the exercise of the democratic franchise -- guaranteed under Section 3 of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
The Act has numerous features buried in nearly 250 pages of text designed to favour the ruling party. Notably, the Conservatives want to fix into law current advantages they have gained over the NDP and the Liberals in raising money from individual donors.
Incredibly, Bill C-23 would remove entirely from election spending limits, party spending for soliciting contributions from any donor who has contributed $20 in the past five years.
If adopted, this measure would allow the Conservatives to spend without limit to recruit funds from past donors, entrenching "first mover advantage" in a domain where in a previous guise (as the Reform Party) they excelled, while the other parties have been slow to catch up.
http://rabble.ca/columnists/2014/02/harpers-plan-to-win-next-election-cheat?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rabble-news+%28rabble.ca+-+News+for+the+rest+of+us%29
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
More attempts to coverup the Conservatives corrupt election practices
Election act changes could muzzle report on probe into robocalls, lawyer warns.
"A clause muzzling investigators in the Conservatives’ new election act could prevent Elections Canada from ever reporting on the outcome of its investigation into fraudulent and deceptive calls in the 2011 campaign, says a former lawyer for Elections Canada.
The Conservatives promised to pass legislation toughening election rules in March 2012, when Canadians learned of allegations of fraudulen...t telephone calls in the “robocalls” scandal in the May 2011 election.
But the bill tabled by the government earlier this month actually may prevent Marc Mayrand, the chief electoral officer, from reporting to Parliament on the results of an investigation into allegations of dirty calls across the country, says James Sprague, who was senior general counsel at Elections Canada until he retired in 2006.
The new act would forbid the Commissioner of Canada Elections, Yves Cote — who is in charge of investigating election crime — from disclosing “any information relating to an investigation that comes to their knowledge in the exercise of their powers.”
http://o.canada.com/news/election-act-changes-could-muzzle-report-on-probe-into-robocalls-lawyer-warns/See More
"A clause muzzling investigators in the Conservatives’ new election act could prevent Elections Canada from ever reporting on the outcome of its investigation into fraudulent and deceptive calls in the 2011 campaign, says a former lawyer for Elections Canada.
The Conservatives promised to pass legislation toughening election rules in March 2012, when Canadians learned of allegations of fraudulen...t telephone calls in the “robocalls” scandal in the May 2011 election.
But the bill tabled by the government earlier this month actually may prevent Marc Mayrand, the chief electoral officer, from reporting to Parliament on the results of an investigation into allegations of dirty calls across the country, says James Sprague, who was senior general counsel at Elections Canada until he retired in 2006.
The new act would forbid the Commissioner of Canada Elections, Yves Cote — who is in charge of investigating election crime — from disclosing “any information relating to an investigation that comes to their knowledge in the exercise of their powers.”
http://o.canada.com/news/election-act-changes-could-muzzle-report-on-probe-into-robocalls-lawyer-warns/See More
Sweden, your medals are coming.
Canada beats Sweden in the Men's Sochi winter Olympics.
Canada wins gold.
Sweden wins silver
Thanks Joe Y
Excluded
A dog had followed his owner to school. His owner was a fourth grader at a public elementary school. However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child's classroom before a teacher noticed and shooed him outside, closing the door behind him. The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors. Then God appeared beside the dog, patted his head, and said,
'Don't feel bad fella'...they won't let ME in either'.
Thanks Randy
My Magic Hat...
In midst of all the hectic arrangements for the Chilli Festival for
end of March here in Port Elizabeth, here's a chuckle. I needed a
laugh and thought you could use one too.
My Magic Hat...
While in Florida I needed to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my Magic Green Hat.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people
got up and left.
I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.
Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.
Here's the hat: Below.
It also works at Dept. of Motor Vehicles. It saved me 5 hours.
At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my
choice of any machine, most still running.
If you live in Texas, it might cut your wait time at the grocery store.
But, don't try it at McDonald's.
The whole crew ran out the back door and I never did get my order.
Thanks Heidi.... good luck with the "Chili Festival"
end of March here in Port Elizabeth, here's a chuckle. I needed a
laugh and thought you could use one too.
My Magic Hat...
While in Florida I needed to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my Magic Green Hat.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people
got up and left.
I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.
Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.
Here's the hat: Below.
It also works at Dept. of Motor Vehicles. It saved me 5 hours.
At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my
choice of any machine, most still running.
If you live in Texas, it might cut your wait time at the grocery store.
But, don't try it at McDonald's.
The whole crew ran out the back door and I never did get my order.
Thanks Heidi.... good luck with the "Chili Festival"
The coach
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'
The little boy nodded 'yes'.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, dickhead or asshole. Do you understand all that?'
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'
The little boy nodded 'yes'.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, dickhead or asshole. Do you understand all that?'
The little boy nodded 'yes' again.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play too, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach "a dumb-ass or shithead" is it?'
The little boy shook his head 'NO'.
'GOOD', said the coach . . 'Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!'
Thanks Kerry
Monday, February 24, 2014
You're a sick bastard Stephen Harper
The truth is out there on Enbridges Line 9. There is no lying or hiding the facts..... we know what you are and how you don't care about the safety and well being of the people of Canada.....
http://www.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=295541&playlistId=1.1699277&binId=1.811589&playlistPageNum=1
http://www.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=295541&playlistId=1.1699277&binId=1.811589&playlistPageNum=1
Killing medicare and Canadians
It's not good enough that Harper is terminating the federal government's participation in universal health care. He wants to ensure its death knell by preventing the provinces from continuing it, as well.
Buried on page 279 of the 2014 federal budget is a measure that will make it next to impossible for provinces to provide health care services on equal terms and conditions. The purpose of this budget item is to strike a blow to the heart and soul of universal health care in Canada.
The Harper government is eliminating the equalization portion of the Canada Health Transfer (CHT) and replacing it with an equal per capita transfer. This means that less populous provinces with relatively larger and more isolated populations will have more and more difficulty delivering more expensive universal health services.
http://rabble.ca/news/2013/08/harpers-barely-hidden-agenda-to-undermine-public-health-care-canada
Buried on page 279 of the 2014 federal budget is a measure that will make it next to impossible for provinces to provide health care services on equal terms and conditions. The purpose of this budget item is to strike a blow to the heart and soul of universal health care in Canada.
The Harper government is eliminating the equalization portion of the Canada Health Transfer (CHT) and replacing it with an equal per capita transfer. This means that less populous provinces with relatively larger and more isolated populations will have more and more difficulty delivering more expensive universal health services.
http://rabble.ca/news/2013/08/harpers-barely-hidden-agenda-to-undermine-public-health-care-canada
Snowshoeing
Can't golf around here for now and can't afford to go south, so I took up another form of exercise.
Thanks Ivan
Thanks Ivan
WHY WE LOVE OUR SENIORS
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 106 Rose Cottage Lane?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
Thanks Ellen
Bowling alley in Florida
What a way to vent frustration!
After Losing money for years and the guy was ready to close up and shut it down, he tried one last thing, and now business is booming, wonder why?
Clever! What a money- maker!
Bowling alley in Florida
(Your laugh for the day)
A bowling alley in Clearwater, FL
is doing a record business:
Very Interesting!!
Want to knock his teeth out?
A bowling alley in Clearwater , Florida , Bowl-O-Bama, is doing record business despite a bad economy.
The alley also reported a record number of 300 games.
Since opening in November 2010,
963 patrons have bowled a perfect game,
including strikes in the warm-up frames.
This alley also has the highest bowling league average in the country, with a 237.
And that's the senior league.
They aren't sure why, but seems as though they don't have many democrats or undocumented persons bowling.......
Thanks Randy
It Started to Snow
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the
season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the
window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds
again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the
best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years, felt
like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This
afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and
closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect
life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely
have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob
says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never
want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a
nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took
my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon
and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do
quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this
way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska,
after all.....we're in Minnesota!
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for
an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try
not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't
admit it to her. Damn I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came
by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the
only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and
they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're
lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and
bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more
inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably
won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to
go out to shovel, and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed,
peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob,
who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says
he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0". The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What,
is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
says she did, but I think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the
shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the
snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know
he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and
then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow
all over everywhere I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to
sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25: Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the
!=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my
blood boil. Damn, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The
wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If
I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to
stuff her into the microwave.
December 26: Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's
really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after
14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all
my pipes.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH
is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb
does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is
now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave
him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31: I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Thanks Heidi
season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the
window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds
again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the
best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years, felt
like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This
afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and
closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect
life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely
have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob
says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never
want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a
nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took
my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon
and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do
quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this
way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska,
after all.....we're in Minnesota!
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for
an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try
not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't
admit it to her. Damn I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Damn snowplow came
by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the
only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and
they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're
lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and
bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more
inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably
won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to
go out to shovel, and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed,
peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob,
who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says
he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to "0". The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What,
is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
says she did, but I think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the
shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the
snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know
he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and
then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow
all over everywhere I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to
sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the damn snowplow.
December 25: Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the
!=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my
blood boil. Damn, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The
wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If
I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to
stuff her into the microwave.
December 26: Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's
really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after
14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all
my pipes.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH
is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb
does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is
now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave
him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31: I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Thanks Heidi
Sunday, February 23, 2014
FATHER MIGNAULT
HI BOB,
HOPE YOU ARE FINE AFTER THAT SURGERY I SAW FATHER MIGNAULT SEE ATTACH AT THE FUNERAL OF MRS. SMITH AT ST MARY'S CHURCH . HE SAYS YOU ARE IN HIS PRAYERS BUT HE ALSO MADE A JOKE AFTER THAT I CAN'T REMEMBER ??
NORMAND
PS BOB I HAVE 4 EMAILS NUMBER WHICH ONE IS GOOD
Thanks Normand .... definitely one of my favorite people..... they are all good Normand ... I get four copies of everything you send LOL
Rapido-Remorse
A man received a text message from his neighbor, saying:
«Dear neighbor, I send you this text because I am crushed by remorse; you have always been so nice to me that you did not deserve my shameful actions.
«Dear neighbor, I send you this text because I am crushed by remorse; you have always been so nice to me that you did not deserve my shameful actions.
And here are the facts that I must confess to you and deeply apologize for:
Whenever, you're not present at your home, day or night, I am using your wife; for a long time I have enjoyed it but now I really feel the guilt and I wish you will accept my most sincere apologies !»
Totally enraged by the situation, the man went in his basement, picked-up his shotgun, came back upstairs, walked in his room and shot his wife dead !
A few minutes later he received another text message that said:
«Sorry Sir for the spelling mistake: I wrote wife but of course, it was wifi !»
«Sorry Sir for the spelling mistake: I wrote wife but of course, it was wifi !»
Have a nice day
Thanks Marc
Senior
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excited about
> their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding,
> and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
>
> Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
>
> "Are you the owner?"
>
> The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
>
> Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
>
> Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
>
> Pharmacist: "All kinds."
>
> Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Definitely."
>
> Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
>
> Pharmacist: "You bet!"
>
> Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."
>
> Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
> Parkinson's disease?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
>
>
> Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
>
> Pharmacist: "We sure do."
>
> Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
>
> Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
>
> Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Sure."
>
> Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
Thanks Harry
> their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding,
> and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
>
> Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
>
> "Are you the owner?"
>
> The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
>
> Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
>
> Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
>
> Pharmacist: "All kinds."
>
> Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Definitely."
>
> Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
>
> Pharmacist: "You bet!"
>
> Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."
>
> Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
> Parkinson's disease?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
>
>
> Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
>
> Pharmacist: "We sure do."
>
> Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
>
> Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
>
> Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
>
> Pharmacist: "Sure."
>
> Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
Thanks Harry
Puns for Educated Minds
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Circumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was
a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to
the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other
says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
Thanks Randy
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Amazing
This is SO amazing - http://pixtale.net/2013/12/how-our-world-would-look-if-you-were-a-bird/
Thanks Norman
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