Holy Humour

**A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I
know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the
Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for
'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth..' (This one is my favorite)

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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family
Bible to her
brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

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"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There
are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and
there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's
morning."

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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he
was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the
block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us
our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this
note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket
I'll lose my job. Lead us not into
temptation."

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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's
still out there in your pockets."

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While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The
owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to
the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient
vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

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A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls,
what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

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A minister waited
in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long
holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars
ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as
if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

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People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the
center of attention.

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Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the
lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped
by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school
lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is
coming."

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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the
congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs
to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular
organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute..
The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to
think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we
are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected
and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more,
please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!


When you carry the
Bible, Satan gets a headache..... When you open it, he
collapses..... When he sees you reading it, he faints..... When he sees that
you are living what you read, he flees...... And when you are about to
forward this message.... He will try and discourage you.. I just defeated
him!!! Any other takers?

Thanks Pat H