Morning Chuckle - Getting Old

WE ALL GET OLD IN THE END....

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.

People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like

their mothers.  Now they drink like their fathers..

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like

someone?  That's common sense leaving your body.

I didn't make it to the gym today.

That makes five years in a row..

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and

renamed it the “Jim”.  I feel so much better saying I

went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a

child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment.  Now,

as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write

that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights."

I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've

put them on my knees.  ***(THIS IS MY FAVORITE!!!)

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators

we haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just

going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice. Or you get

the answers you want.

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering

what I came in there for.

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager)

  I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.

      I don’t have to go to school or work.

      I get an allowance every month.

      I have my own pad.

      I don’t have a curfew.

      I have a driver’s license and my own car.

      The people I hang around with are not

      scared of getting pregnant.

      And I don’t have acne.

      Life is great.

Thanks Norman