Picking on The Newfies

CAR TROUBLE  

A Newfie pushes his BMW into a gas station.  He tells the mechanic it died.  After the mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.   The Newfie says, “What's the story?”   The mechanic replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”   The Newfie asks, “How often do I have to do that?”  

  SPEEDING TICKET  

A police officer stops a Newfie for speeding and asks to see his license.  The Newfie replies in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together.  Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you?”  

  THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE  

A patient goes into the doctor's office and says that his body hurts wherever he touches it.   “Impossible!” says the doctor.  “Show me.”   The patient takes his finger, pushes on his left shoulder and screams.  Then he pushes his elbow and screams even more.  He pushes his knee and screams.  Then he pushes his ankle and screams.  Everywhere he touches makes him scream.  The doctor says, “You're not from Ontario are you?”   “No,” he said.  “I'm actually from Newfoundland.”   “I thought so,” the doctor says.  “Your finger is broken.”  

  IN A VACUUM  

A Newfie was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.  It was his turn.  He rolled the dice and landed on Science and Nature.  His question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, would you hear it?”   He thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”  

  FINALLY, THE NEWFIE JOKE TO END A LL NEWFIE JOKES!  

A guy was visiting his Newfie friend who had acquired two new dogs.  He asked what their names were.  The Newfie replied that one was named 'Rolex' and the other 'Timex'.   His friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”   “Dats easy”, answered the Newfie.  “They're watch dogs.”  

  I’d Like To Add Another Newfie Joke (You’ll love this)  

A policeman in Ontario pulls over a Newfie for speeding.  While he’s writing out the ticket a fly is bothering the Cop.  The Newfie says:  “That’s a circle fly, sir.”   The policeman asks, “What’s a circle fly?”   The Newfie says, “Them are the flies you find in the barn around a horse’s ass.”   The policeman says, “Are you calling me a horse’s ass?”   “Ooooohhh, no sir,” says the Newfie.  “I would never say a thing like that.  But you can't fool them flies, sir.”  

Thanks Pat