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Saturday, November 26, 2011

Do you recognise yourself?



A  little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down

the  halls in a nursing home. 

  As  she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and

say  "Supersex."

  She  walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown

at him,  she said, "Supersex."

  He  sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take

the  soup."



An  older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling

asleep  but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to  talk.

  She  said: "You used to hold my hand when we were  courting.."

  Wearily  he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to

get back to  sleep.

  A  few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss  me.."

  Mildly  irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek

and settled  down to sleep.

  Thirty  seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my  Neck..."

  Angrily,  he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

  "Where  are you going?" she asked..

"To  get my  teeth!"



80-year  old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.

She holds  her clenched fist in the air and announces,"Anyone who can

guess what's  in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

  An  elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An  elephant?"

  Bessie  thinks a minute and says, "Close  enough."



  Two  elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the

years, they  had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,

their  activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to

play  cards.

  One  day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and

said, "Now  don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long

time but I  just can't think of your name.. I've thought and thought,

but I can't  remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

  Her  friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared

and  glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to  Know?"



As  a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone

rang..  Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "

Vernon , I just  heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong

way on M25. Please  be careful!"

  "Hell,"  said Vernon , "It's not just one car.. It's  hundreds of




Two  elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely

see  over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to

major  crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went

on  through.

  The  woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing

it. I  could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few

more  minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was

red  again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger

seat  was almost sure that the light had been red but was really

concerned  that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

  At  the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went

on  through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did

you  know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could

have  killed us both!"

  Mildred  turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

Thanks Norman..... seems I fall into all categories

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