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Sunday, January 13, 2019

The Rabbi is leaving

At the Saturday morning service, the rabbi announced that he was planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more.  There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular

Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships in Venice and Sarasota, stands up and proclaims: "If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!”

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says; "If the rabbi will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee a free college education for his children!

More sighs and loud applause.

Estelle Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile: "If the Rabbi stays, I will give him sex.

There is total silence.

The rabbi, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Rubin, you’re a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?”

Estelle’s 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:  "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help and he said: ‘Screw the Rabbi”.

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