Thursday, January 31, 2013
Skidboot
If you are an animal lover, this will certainly touch your heart - God's special creatures!
What a great story...........
I think you’ll enjoy this
click on:
Skidboot<http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Sk.html>
Thanks Millie
What a great story...........
I think you’ll enjoy this
click on:
Skidboot<http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Sk.html>
Thanks Millie
Best Friends
Cute !
Now this is what is called a “true friend”. Awesome!
http://www.bombbomb.com/videoland/index.php?vid=698ef524-730d-4afa-9e78-aea9d16ecf9f
Thanks Ellen/Sam
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
We're Home
Cuba was wonderful. Pat and I had a great time relaxing at the resort and on various site seeing tours. There is much to see and the locals are a happy group who speak a smattering of both English and French.
There is great poverty but despite this the people are friendly and warm. Yes, there are many beggars of all ages but the majority take no for an answer. I had a wonderful time in Havana with two bggars, a father and son, while the others went on a walking tour I sat on the sea wall and these two entertained me with great conversation for about 45 minutes. The best part about it was that the others left me alone. Many stopped to greet the old man, he had lost his legs in and accident ten years ago, despite this he was jovial and friendly.
Through him I got to meet a Voodoo Priestess who talked to me for maybe 5 minutes, while smoking a large Cuban cigar wearing a full length white dress and the stereotypical bandana.
Loved it and would sit with the 55 year old wheelchair bound fellow and his son (actually his stepson) as they were very well informed and informative.
There is great poverty but despite this the people are friendly and warm. Yes, there are many beggars of all ages but the majority take no for an answer. I had a wonderful time in Havana with two bggars, a father and son, while the others went on a walking tour I sat on the sea wall and these two entertained me with great conversation for about 45 minutes. The best part about it was that the others left me alone. Many stopped to greet the old man, he had lost his legs in and accident ten years ago, despite this he was jovial and friendly.
Through him I got to meet a Voodoo Priestess who talked to me for maybe 5 minutes, while smoking a large Cuban cigar wearing a full length white dress and the stereotypical bandana.
Loved it and would sit with the 55 year old wheelchair bound fellow and his son (actually his stepson) as they were very well informed and informative.
Cuban economy
I just spent the last week in Cuba a country that, while living in stark poverty by our standards, is relatively unaffected by the state of the World economy.
Why? Because their economy is based on tourism not on America's purchasing power. They pander to Canada and to Europe not to the Americans yet there are the occasional tourist from the US. Last year they had 2.9 million tourists of which 1.5 million were Canadians.. We are heavily involved in their oil development and their nickel mining.
It has been 54 years since the revolution of 1959 and despite the American embargo they exist and are growing slowly. Raoul is easing travel for his people and slowly opening the door to entrepreneurship. In my humble opinion Cuba will be a good opportunity for investors.
Patience is important when working with the Cuban people, Cuban time and Canadian time have two different speeds however the end result is the same. They are happy, friendly and warm.
Personally I found that the majority of Cubans have ethical standards and good judgement of who to trust even among the beggars there is honour.
Why? Because their economy is based on tourism not on America's purchasing power. They pander to Canada and to Europe not to the Americans yet there are the occasional tourist from the US. Last year they had 2.9 million tourists of which 1.5 million were Canadians.. We are heavily involved in their oil development and their nickel mining.
It has been 54 years since the revolution of 1959 and despite the American embargo they exist and are growing slowly. Raoul is easing travel for his people and slowly opening the door to entrepreneurship. In my humble opinion Cuba will be a good opportunity for investors.
Patience is important when working with the Cuban people, Cuban time and Canadian time have two different speeds however the end result is the same. They are happy, friendly and warm.
Personally I found that the majority of Cubans have ethical standards and good judgement of who to trust even among the beggars there is honour.
State of our economy
All day today I have listened to the pundits discussing the state of the Canadian economy and how corporations are hoarding their money. Yes Canada, major corporations are not investing into the economy. Why? They don't see any improvement, contrary to what the Harper government is trying to tell the gullible masses.... their economic plan is "not" working.
Canadian business is sitting on 500 billion dollars, while the pundits are pooh-poohing this amount as a drop in the bucket compared to US corporations... consider this.... Americas population is 10 times ours that means 500 billion would be 5 trillion in America. Everything is relative to population so everything the pundits say and the Conservatives say is "spin".
Harper has been running "helter skelter" around the World trying to make deals with any country that will talk to him, and of course there are many who want to deal with a desperate man. We have seen what a great negotiator Harper is just by looking at his dealings with China..... he lacks a plan and most of all he lacks a spine.
Canadian business is sitting on 500 billion dollars, while the pundits are pooh-poohing this amount as a drop in the bucket compared to US corporations... consider this.... Americas population is 10 times ours that means 500 billion would be 5 trillion in America. Everything is relative to population so everything the pundits say and the Conservatives say is "spin".
Harper has been running "helter skelter" around the World trying to make deals with any country that will talk to him, and of course there are many who want to deal with a desperate man. We have seen what a great negotiator Harper is just by looking at his dealings with China..... he lacks a plan and most of all he lacks a spine.
GO FLY A KITE WOW !!!
Almost defies
description. The guy flying the 3 kites is in his 80's. He's Canadian. He comes to the
Washington State International Kite Festival every year. His skin is like leather as he normally flies with his shirt off. He is deaf, so when he flies we hold our hands up and wave them for applause. He
flies 2 with his hands and the 3rd one is attached to his waist.
You must watch to the end to see the amazing landing of that last kite! Most would have the kites so tangled you could never get them separated! Be sure the volume is up because the music is wonderful and totally reflects the soaring of the kites.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=nr9KrqN_lIg
Thanks Randy
description. The guy flying the 3 kites is in his 80's. He's Canadian. He comes to the
Washington State International Kite Festival every year. His skin is like leather as he normally flies with his shirt off. He is deaf, so when he flies we hold our hands up and wave them for applause. He
flies 2 with his hands and the 3rd one is attached to his waist.
You must watch to the end to see the amazing landing of that last kite! Most would have the kites so tangled you could never get them separated! Be sure the volume is up because the music is wonderful and totally reflects the soaring of the kites.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=nr9KrqN_lIg
Thanks Randy
When the breathalyzer test fails ...
Don’t drink and drive or the police
may use this sobriety test on you!
Check out the new sobriety test .... click below.
|
Norwegian Royal Guard Band
For lovers of precision military marching and playing … 8.5 minutes of pure pleasure … on ice yet!
This is the Norwegian Royal Guard Regiment (equivalent to the British and Canadian Guards regiments).These guys would give the USMC Band and Honor Guard and the Army's 1 BN 3d Infantry (The Old Guard) a run for their money.It is interesting how a cheesy Hollywood theme (from "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly") can sound impressive when played by an elite military band.This is "River Dance" with boots and rifles!I can't remember ever seeing a display of precision to beat this! All the precision drill is being performed on ICE!Those are US made Garand M-1 rifles (WWII), and they are heavy weapons (9 POUNDS EACH).When that one fellow goes on his own - YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A RIFLE SPUN THAT FAST! Unbelievable!
Thanks Ivan
Little Harry
What Starts with F and ends with K
·
· A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms.. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9.'
Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry:
'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry:
'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms.. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9.'
Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry:
'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry:
'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...'
Thanks Norman
Man Killed on Golf Course . . . The Price of Honesty!
A foursome of men is waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee.
The ladies are taking their time.
When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet.
Then she goes over and whiffs it completely.
Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.
She looks up at the waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f#@%ing lessons I took over the winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!"
He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 43.
Thanks Randy
Thanks Randy
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
The Booster Bag Scam
"The Booster Bag Scam will make you think twice about where you set your purse or bag down in an airport, hotel, coffee shop, or anywhere else a thief might be lurking.
I had never heard of this scam until seeing this video demonstration and can see how easy it would be to pull off. If the scam artist is using a pretty girl as his accomplice I’m pretty sure most men would fall victim to the distraction and be scammed."
Senior Health
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a hoot. It's the tortoise life for me!
1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4.. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
I'm retired. Go around me.
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
20. DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE..........??????
20. DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE..........??????
Golf - A Love Story
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, sometime after the honeymoon, he was in his shed cleaning his golf clubs & polishing his golf shoes.
His wife came in and stood there in silence at the bench just watching him. After a long period of icy silence she finally says "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golf. Maybe you should sell your clubs."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
”I wasn't “
One evening, sometime after the honeymoon, he was in his shed cleaning his golf clubs & polishing his golf shoes.
His wife came in and stood there in silence at the bench just watching him. After a long period of icy silence she finally says "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golf. Maybe you should sell your clubs."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
”I wasn't “
Annual apology
Over the past few months I have forwarded some inappropriate pictures and jokes
to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humor..
Unfortunately this wasn't the case and I seem to have upset quite
a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow..
If you were one of these people, please accept my sincerest apologies.
Looking to 2013 onward, I will only post or send e-mail with a cultural or educational
content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting topics.
Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris . It is the oldest bridge
in Paris and took 26 years to build. It was completed in 1604.
Thanks Randy ..... and the moon as well
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
How not to land a P51 Mustang
The narrator is obviously a little out of touch with reality - probably the wife! And I imagine "and now Bob has messed his pants" is the proverbial understatement! - "No big deal" indeed......
http://vimeo.com/57146636
http://vimeo.com/57146636
Thanks Kerry
ITS THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN...
TIME TO TAKE THE TEST......................
GOOD LUCK...........................................
HAPPY 2013............................................
Yearly Dementia Test
It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!
Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!
Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not.
The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.'
If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else.
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.'
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.'
What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water.
If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as 'Auto World'.
However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks,
However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks,
what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading these??? If you said 'glass', go on to Question 4.
4. Without using a calculator -
You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.
In London, 17people get on the bus.
In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmarthen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven.
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own age?
It was YOU driving the bus!!
In Reading, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Swindon, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmarthen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven.
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own age?
It was YOU driving the bus!!
Thanks Randy
Friday, January 25, 2013
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband.
For example...
A wife came home late at night after being out of town, and quietly
opened the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she saw four legs instead of two. So she reached
for a baseball bat, and started hitting the blanket as hard as she
could.
Once she was finished, she went to the kitchen to have a drink. As she
entered, she saw her husband sitting there, reading a magazine.
"Hi, Darling!" he said. "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let
them stay in our bedroom. Did you say 'hello'?"
Thanks Ralph
For example...
A wife came home late at night after being out of town, and quietly
opened the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she saw four legs instead of two. So she reached
for a baseball bat, and started hitting the blanket as hard as she
could.
Once she was finished, she went to the kitchen to have a drink. As she
entered, she saw her husband sitting there, reading a magazine.
"Hi, Darling!" he said. "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let
them stay in our bedroom. Did you say 'hello'?"
Thanks Ralph
Snowboarding into downtown Montreal
Only in Canada eh!Snowboarding into downtown MontrealThis is really great - a guy snowboarding down Mt Royal !! He does it the hard way, like jumping off the lookout wall!! It's also fun seeing Montreal in a video like this! Enjoy!!Snowboarding into downtown MontrealWatch this to the end,the stretch he ish ping down the edge of one of our Mtl. Streets....
Thanks Millie and Ellen
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Innocence Lost
For those of you who remember Dave Manning from CCHS the young lady at the right, Julie Tamiko Manning, is his and wife Helen's daughter.
The play "Innocence Lost" the Stephen Truscot Story
Thanks Helen and Pat
The play "Innocence Lost" the Stephen Truscot Story
Thanks Helen and Pat
Yearly neologism contest
You have to love this stuff!!!!!!
Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when
you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when
you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Thanks Ralph .....
Why I made Captain
Many years ago on a long transatlantic flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit.
When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and heexplained that he was the navigator and what his responsibilities were.
She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.
She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the captain he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew. She turned to the first officer and asked "Well young man, what is your job?"
He replied "Ma'am, I am the captain's sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple ma'am. The captain has told me that when he wants my f#@%ing advice, he'll ask me."
He replied "Ma'am, I am the captain's sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple ma'am. The captain has told me that when he wants my f#@%ing advice, he'll ask me."
Thanks Bernie
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