Marriage: Part I, II, III, and IV and more .... funny

Marriage (Part I )

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding,

he laid down the following rules:

  
'I'll
be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I
don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a
great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be
home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and
card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you

give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any
comments?'
His new bride
said:
'No, that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every
night...

whether
you're here or not.'

(DARN
SHE'S GOOD!) ************************************************

Marriage
(Part II)

Husband and wife had a
bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When
you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My
Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?'
she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that
reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
(HE ASKED FOR
IT!)
*****************************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his
wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage
and says, 'And you are no
good in bed either,' and storms out of
the house.
After some time he
realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone
after many rings, and the irritated husband says,

'What took
you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I
was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing
what?'
'Getting a second
opinion!'
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING,
TOO!)
*****************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and
is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself,
that he starts calling his
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a
party. The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find
out if his wife is

ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home
Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her
husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, 'Any time you're
ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT
ON, LADY!)
*****************************************
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were
having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent
treatment.

Suddenly the man realized
that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for
an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the
first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of
paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would
find it.

The next morning the man
woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his
flight.
Furious, he was about to
go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece
of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake
up.'
Men are not equipped for
these kinds of contests.

*****************************************
God may have created man
before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the
masterpiece.
**************
*************************** Thanks Randy