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Sunday, August 13, 2017

Philosophy anyone!

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any
  trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
 I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom
  until they are flashing behind you.
 When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so
  polite they only look at the covered parts.
 Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X
  and wondered Y?
 America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean
  to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
 You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone?
  That's your common sense leaving your body.
 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks
  of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of
  the pool and throw them fish?
 My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see
  about that.
 I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name
  on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
 Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.
 You're not fat, you're just easier to see.
 If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple
  of payments.
 I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do
  they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
 I can't understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older
  women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
 My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social
  situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
 My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried
  about the 175 pounds I've gained since then.
 Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If
  you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks!
 The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty
  sure she's going to get me something.
 The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your
  house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental
 I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language
  entirely out of tattoos
 Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
 The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody
  was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober,
  Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of
  course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and
  he stayed drunk.

Now, go have a nice day, or whichever kind of day you want.

Thanks Pat

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