Canadian Tourism Website

 These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck.

> >> Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
> >> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
> >> watching them die.
> >>
> >> Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
> >> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
> >>
> >> Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the
> >> railroad tracks? (Sweden)
> >> A: Sure, it's only six thousand km, take lots of water. . .
> >>
> >> Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)!
> >> A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
> >>
> >> Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places
> >> to contact for a stuffed beaver. (Italy)
> >> A: Let's not touch this one.
> >>
> >> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a
> >> list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
> >> A: What did your last slave die of?
> >>
> >> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?
> >> (USA)
> >> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> >> Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it.
> >> Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary.
> >> Come naked.
> >>
> >> Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
> >> A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get
> >> here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
> >>
> >> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
> >> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
> >>
> >> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> >> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,
> >> which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays
> >> every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight
> >> after the hippo races.
> >> Come naked.
> >>
> >> Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
> >> A: No, WE don't stink.
> >>
> >> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
> >> Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
> >> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
> >>
> >> Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
> >> A: You are an American politician, right?
> >>
> >> Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female
> >> population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> >> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
> >>
> >> Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
> >> A: Only at Thanksgiving.
> >>
> >> Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
> >> round? (Germany)
> >> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers.
> >> Milk is illegal.
> >>
> >> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense
> >> rattlesnake serum. (USA)
> >> A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be
> >> safely handled and make good pets.
> >>
> >> Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I
> >> dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
> >> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
> >>
> >> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> >> A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Thanks Randy