Costly retorts

 

  

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.  This  ugly chick came up behind d, grabbed my ass and said,  "You're kind of cute you gotta phone number?"   I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"   She said "Yeah, I got a pen".   I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you”.   Cost me 6 stitches.       Cowboy:  "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." Cashier:  "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" Cowboy:  "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....." ***********     I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look  all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there  instead of you." ***********     I was telling a girl in the bar about my ability to guess what day a  woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and  said, “Come on, what day was I born?" I said,  "Yesterday." ***********     I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in. ***********     I went to the bar last night and saw a FAT chick dancing on a table. I  said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so." I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by  now." Thanks Randy