Bless the Newfies

The newfies have solved their own fuel problems.

They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

Me buddy's missus left him last Thursday.

She said she was going out for a pint of milk and never came back!

I asked him how he was coping and he said, ⤽Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff."

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of me wife.

They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"

Shocked, I answered, "Lard Jasus yes by'e, dats her."

They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

I said, "I know by'e, but she's good to the kids & a tolerable cook."

Two Newfoundlanders find a mirror in the road.

The first one picks it up and says, "Lard Jasus I knows this face but I can't put a name to it."

The second picks it up and says, "You stupid bastard, it's me!"

A Newfie's in jail.

The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging meself," he replies.

"It should be round your neck," says the guard.
"I tried that," the Newfie says, "but I couldn't friggin' breathe."

Thanks Randy