Why are you late? STUDENT:     Class started before I got here. --------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find   North America    .. 
MARIA:         Here it  is. 
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered   America ? 
CLASS:         Maria. 
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TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables. 
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TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong 
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.   
(I  Love this child) 
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TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O. 
TEACHER:   What are you talking about? 
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.   
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TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 
WINNIE:       Me! 
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TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 
GLEN:          Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are.   
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TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  ' 
MILLIE:         I  is.. 
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.' 
MILLIE:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'       
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TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.   Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 
LOUIS:           Because George still had  the axe in his hand.....     
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TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.   
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TEACHER:       Clyde , your  composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your   brother's..   Did you copy his? 
CLYDE   :         No, sir. It's the same dog.     

(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 
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TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer  interested? 
HAROLD:     A teacher 
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Thanks Norman