The Irish

Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do
it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.
Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.

Mick asks - So what are you going to do?

Paddy replies, -  This year I'll be taking her with me!
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Paddy says to Mick,  "Christmas is on a Friday this year"

Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
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Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police station.
Mick:  "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him.  "Did you find the
shampoo?"
Paddy says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."

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Irish Burial at Sea

Mick and Paddy had promised their Uncle Seamus , who had been a
seafaring gent all his life , to bury him at sea when he died .

Of course , in due time , he did pass away and the boys kept their promise.

They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and
loaded onto their rowboat .

After a while Mick says , ' Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out , Paddy ?'
 Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing
inwater up to his knees .
 ' Dis'll never do , Mick . Let's row some more ...'

After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is
only up to his belly , so they row on .

Again Mick asks Paddy , ' Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy ?'
 Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says , ' No dis
ll neva do .' The water was only up to his chest ..
So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and
disappears ..
 Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself
into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath ..
' Well is it deep enuff yet , Paddy ?'

'Aye 'tis , NOW hand me dat shovel ..'

Thanks Richard