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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Medical info every woman should know!


Q:  Should I have a baby after 35? A:  No, 35 children is enough. 
Q  : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? 
A:  With any luck, right after he finishes college. 
Q  : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? 
A:  Childbirth. 
Q:  My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline  irrational.
A:  So what's your question? 
Q
?:  My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but  pressure. Is she right? A:  Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air  current.? 
Q:  When is the best time to get an epidural? 
A:  Right after you find out you're pregnant. 
Q
?:  Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in  labor? A:  Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. 
Q:  Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? 
A:  Yes, pregnancy. 
Q:  Do I have to have a baby shower? 
A:  Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. 
Q:  Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal  again? 
A:  When the kids are in college. 

"ESTROGEN  ISSUES" 


10  WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 
1.  Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 
2. You're adding  chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 
3. The dryer has  shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 
4. Your husband is  suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 
5. You 're using  your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my  driving". 
6.  Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 
7.. Everyone seems  to have just landed here from "outer space." 
9. You're sure  that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 
10. The ibuprofen  bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday. 

TOP  TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10.  Cats' facial expressions. 9.  The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 
8. Why bean  sprouts aren't just weeds. 
7. Fat  clothes. 
6.  Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 
5. The difference  between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 
4. Cutting your  hair to make it grow. 
3. Eyelash  curlers. 
2.  The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. 

AND,  the Number One thing only women understand: 

1.  OTHER WOMEN 
Thanks Richard

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