Scenarios

. The Jewish Elbow.
>
> 2. The Italian Grandfather
>
> 3.The Irish Blonde

>
> A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is
> coming to visit with his wife.
>
> "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.
> There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
> I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right Get in, and
> with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left With your
> elbow, hit my doorbell."

> "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with
> my elbow? .......
>
> "What . . . .You're coming empty handed?"
>____________________________ __________
>
>
>
> 2.Wise Italian Grandfather
>
> Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through
> the family.
>
>  An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside,
> Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38
> revolver so you will always remember me."
>
> "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your
> Rolex watch instead?"
>
> "You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you
> gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple
> of bambinos."
>
> "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with
> another man.  Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say,
> 'times up' "?______
>

> 3. Irish Blonde...
>
> An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She
> seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single
> roll of the dice.
>
> She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
> completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the
> dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new
> clothes!"
>
> As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes!
> Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings
> and her clothes and quickly departed.
>
> The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.  Finally, one of them
> asked, "What did she roll?"
>
> The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching"
>
>
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY
> Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb
> ... but all men...are men!
>

>
> Global Facts About Sex
>
> >
> At any given moment:
>
>
> FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
>
> FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
>
> FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
>
> FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.
>

> You hang in there, sunshine!
>

Thanks Pat