The Outhouse Poem

Only those who have used an outhouse would appreciate this as much as I do.

THE OUTHOUSE POEM 

The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground. 

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill. 

"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?"
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack. 

With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it. 

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three gals before. 

She missed the foot log - jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout. 

She tripped and fell - got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust. 

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew. 

A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat. 

He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike. 

And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!"

Thanks Sam/Ellen .... I remember them well ...... they were known as the KB in our family ... the kaka box

A group of male lawyers lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good... would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 am.

He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed.

The three lawyers were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed, but wondered if she was trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed.

They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up so they invited her back again, but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her game.

The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.

The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge.

Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed, and grinned... "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth.

When I got married in college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."

The guys on the team thought this was hysterical.

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guysshot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up in the air?"

She said, "Then I'm 15 minutes late!"


Thanks Kerry

A Blonde's Last Flight

A blonde is flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.   The pilot has a  heart attack and dies.  The Blonde frantically calls a May Day: "May Day!   May Day!  Help me!  Help me!  My pilot had a heart attack and  is dead.  And I don't know how to fly.  Help me!  Please help  me!"

All of a sudden  she hears a voice over the radio saying: "The is ATC.   I have received your message and I will talk you through it.  I've had a  lot of experience with this kind of problem.  Now, just relax.   Everything will be fine!  Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm  5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says  the  voice from the tower.  "Repeat after me:  Our Father. . .  Who art in Heaven. . . ."

Thanks Penny .... that is a take off on the old RCAF (Royal Canadian Air Farce program), for those who are old enough to remember it, on CBC. The original is longer and told about Quebec Air approaching Pearson Airport in Toronto. Damn I am old.

November 1st - Sitting on my perch

Tuesday's Vehicle

Grandkids and great grandkids Halloween

 Daughter and son-in-laws front porch

 Jenia and Connor "Up, Up and Away"

 Grandaughters Cindy and Amber

Great grandaughter Chloe (Cindy)

Great grandaughter Jaylah ( Amber)

We Made It

To Those  Born
1925 - 1970 :

At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno. If you
don't read anything else, please
read what he said.


Very well stated, Mr. Leno.
~~~~~~~~~
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!


First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank
while they were pregnant.


They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't
get tested for diabetes.


Then, after that trauma, we were  put to sleep on our tummies  in baby
cribs covered
with bright colored lead-based paints.


We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets,
and, when we rode our bikes,  we had baseball caps,  not helmets, on our
heads.




As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no
booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no
brakes..




Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a
special treat.


We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.


We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one
actually died from this.



We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid
made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight.
WHY?


Because we were always outside playing...that's why!


We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were
back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.
--And, we were OKAY.



We would spend hours building  our go-carts out of scraps  and then ride
them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.  After
running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem..




We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were  no
video games, no 150 channels on cable,  no video movies or DVDs,  no
surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones,  no personal computers, no
Internet and no chat rooms.



WE HAD FRIENDS  and we went outside and found  them!


We fell out of trees, got cut,  broke bones and teeth,  and there were
no lawsuits  from those accidents.

We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles,
or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.


 We ate worms, and mud pies  made from dirt, and  the worms did not live
in us forever.


We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks
and tennis balls, and - although we were told it would happen- we did
not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or
rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.


Little League had tryouts  and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn  to deal with disappointment.
                                          Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!


These generations have produced some of the best   risk-takers,  problem
solvers, and inventors ever.

The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new
ideas..

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how
to deal with it all.



If YOU are one of those born

between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!


You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow
up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of
our lives  for our own good.


While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how
brave and lucky their parents were.


Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?
~~~~~~~
The quote of the month
by
Jay Leno:


"With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding,
severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and
with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a
good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"


For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go
ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us.....pass this on.


Thanks Sam/Ellen

Worst Persons: Glenn Beck, Wonderland Party and Rob Ford

A Poem for the Mature

Ah, the Golden Years

SPECIAL POEM FOR US OLDER FOLKS 
A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop. A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not. The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze. The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night. Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know,
Is what tells each one where to go! 

Thanks Pat H

JR-SKI vol.3 TRIPLE JUMP (2004)

Thanks Sylvia M... very cute.... I posted the Berlin one a couple of weeks ago

THE COCHRANE MURAL

THE COCHRANE MURAL----- LOOK CLOSELY BY CLICKING ON ANY PART OF THE MURAL

For those not living in Canada, Cochrane is NW of Calgary and east of Banff, in the foothills of the Rockies.
This mural was unveiled last week at the Cochrane Ranch House. 
 Each tile is 1 foot square, is it's own individual picture and each is by a different artist.    
  All of them together form this huge mural.  You can click on each of the tiles to see them in detail.
Check out, especially, the horse's eye.   
 
  Click on any square that makes up the mural to see what the square really is. 

 http://www.muralmosaic.com/Cochrane.html  


Thanks Norman M

Lotto 'Lucky Dog' by DDB NZ and The Sweetshop

WHAT FIDELITY, YOUR WIFE CAN'T BEAT THAT, SEE HTTP.

 

NORMAND

Thanks Normand.... you're using my colour again

Car Show July 2nd 2011 - Greenfield Park Centennial part II

Ocean voyage

A young New York woman was so depressed that she

decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean,

but just before she could throw herself from the

docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man.
"I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.
I can stow you away on my ship.  I'll take care of you,

bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she

had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid

her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches,

a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

 

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during

a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied.

"He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."

"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added,

"Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. 

"This is the Staten Island Ferry."

Thanks Randy..... I was in New York several years ago and I happened to be looking for the Staten Island Ferry.... I stopped a young fellow and asked ....

"Could you direct me to the Staten Island Ferry"? and he said.....

"THPEAKING"

Geography Lesson of the Day

Thanks Normand