When you're 70...Who Cares?>

    

 I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.  

  This fat ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind
  and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
  I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
  She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
  I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

 Cost me 6 stitches but when you're almost seventy...who cares?

  Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
  Lady Cashier:  "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

  Cowboy: "Nah. She's purty good  lookin'.

  Was talking to a young woman in the bar last night.

  She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and
  got your hair cut, You'd look all right."
  I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your
  friends over there instead of you."
  Cost me a fat lip but, when you're seventy...who cares?

 Was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess

what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

  "Really" she said, "Go on then. Try."  After about thirty seconds of

fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

  I  said, "Yesterday."
  Cost me a kick in the nuts, but when you're seventy...who cares?
 I went to the pub last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. 
  I said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think  so?"
  I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed  by now."

Thanks Kerry