News Update from Canada

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the
border into Canada has intensified in the past couple days. The Republican
presidential victory is prompting an exodus of
left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt,
pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution. Canadian
border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents
crossing their fields at night.

     "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer
Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.
"He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some
free-range chicken.  When I said I didn't have any, he left before I
even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

     In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected
higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed
loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they
just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming.

     Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and
drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for
themselves after the battery dies. "A lot of these people are not
prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said.
"I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any
gemelli with shrimp and arugula.  All they had was a nice little Napa
Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught,they're
sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution
from Trump high-hairers.

     Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build
re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic
beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute
to the economy.

     In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of
crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens
taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After
catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises,
Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the
supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to
prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the
accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious
about their age," an official said.

     Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara
Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading
jazzercise apps to their cell phones. "I really feel sorry for
American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them,"
an Ottawa resident said.  "After all, how many art-history majors does
one country need?”

Thanks Randy