The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:1.Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4.esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Thanks Norman
Actually, there isn't such a thing as the "Mensa Invitational." But The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from back in 1998 are the sources of many of the neologisms in the list above. (But not all: For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)
ReplyDeleteMuch better to see the the current Invitational -- every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. We've had more than 800 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Sunday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Thursday online. The contests encompass a wide variety of humor genres, from cartoon captions to song parodies, but there are often neologism contests like the above ones as well. In fact, we just ran one asking people to make a new word out of a place name. The winner: From "Russia," USSRia -- Putin's grand vision.
See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the current contest at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can join the group "Style Invitational Devotees" on Facebook or contact me at pat.myers@washpost.com and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.
Best, Pat Myers
The Empress of The Style Invitational
The Washington Post
pat.myers@washpost.com
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Thank you for your comment. It is difficult at times to separate fact from fiction on the internet and I appreciate being corrected on my posts. All to often people send me fabricated stories or political untruths that I simply delete however the Washington Post Mensa story has been perpetrated and passed around for some time.
DeleteAnd yes I failed to check it out however from time to time there are those emails that appear to be legitimate and as human nature has it one fails to do a search.
Thank you once again you made this old mans day knowing that some really does read my blog
Bob Hawkins