Saturday, November 7, 2015
COWBOY POETRY - BUYING A BRA
COWBOY POETRY - BUYING A BRA
This is GREAT! God Bless them thar dern Cowboys!
I ain't much for shopping,
Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't too easily found.
But the day came when I had to go -
I left the kids with Ma.
But 'fore I left, she asked me,
'Would you pick me up a bra?'
So without thinkin' I said, 'Sure,'
How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her
An' said, 'I'll be back by three.'
Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing -
I worked me up a sweat
I walked into the ladies shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn't want to take a chance
On bein' recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn't hem or haw -
I told that lady right straight out,
'I'm here to buy a bra.'
From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a'gawkin' right at me!
'What kind would you be looking for?'
Well, I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before,
'Thought bras was bras,' I said.
She gave me a disgusted look,
'Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Follow me,' I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.
They had all these different styles
That I'd never seen before
I thought I'd go plumb crazy
'fore I left that women's store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain't wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.
Well, I finally made my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady, 'Bag it up,'
And figured I was done.
But then she asked me for the size
I didn't hesitate
I knew that measurement by heart,
'A six-and-seven-eighths.'
'Six and seven eighths you say?
That really isn't right.'
'Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive -
I measured them last night!'
I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.
'That's what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am.'
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered
And they all was crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, 'Good day.'
My wife had heard the story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For women's underwear.
This is GREAT! God Bless them thar dern Cowboys!
I ain't much for shopping,
Or for goin' into town
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't too easily found.
But the day came when I had to go -
I left the kids with Ma.
But 'fore I left, she asked me,
'Would you pick me up a bra?'
So without thinkin' I said, 'Sure,'
How tough could that job be?
An' I bent down and kissed her
An' said, 'I'll be back by three.'
Well, I done the things I needed,
But I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing -
I worked me up a sweat
I walked into the ladies shop
My hat pulled over my eyes,
I didn't want to take a chance
On bein' recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn't hem or haw -
I told that lady right straight out,
'I'm here to buy a bra.'
From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
Every woman in that store
Was a'gawkin' right at me!
'What kind would you be looking for?'
Well, I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before,
'Thought bras was bras,' I said.
She gave me a disgusted look,
'Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Follow me,' I heard her say,
Like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor
When I saw that lingerie.
They had all these different styles
That I'd never seen before
I thought I'd go plumb crazy
'fore I left that women's store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel
Like you ain't wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.
Well, I finally made my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady, 'Bag it up,'
And figured I was done.
But then she asked me for the size
I didn't hesitate
I knew that measurement by heart,
'A six-and-seven-eighths.'
'Six and seven eighths you say?
That really isn't right.'
'Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive -
I measured them last night!'
I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.
'That's what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am.'
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered
And they all was crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, 'Good day.'
My wife had heard the story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For women's underwear.
Thanks Maria
True or not.... a great story
TRUE STORY...
At the prodding of my friends I am writing this story. My name is Mildred Honor.
I am a former elementary school Music Teacher from Des Moines, Iowa.
I have always supplemented my income by Teaching Piano Lessons...
Something I have done for over 30 years.
During those years I found that Children have many levels of musical ability, and even
During those years I found that Children have many levels of musical ability, and even
though I have never had the prodigy, I have taught some very talented students.
However, I have also had my share of what I call 'Musically Challenged’ Pupils. One
However, I have also had my share of what I call 'Musically Challenged’ Pupils. One
such Pupil being Robby. Robby was 11 years old when his Mother (a Single Mom)
dropped him off for his first Piano Lesson.
I prefer that Students (especially Boys) begin at an earlier age, which I explained
I prefer that Students (especially Boys) begin at an earlier age, which I explained
to Robby. But Robby said that it had always been his Mother's Dream to hear him play
the Piano, so I took him as a Student.
At the end of each weekly Lesson he would always say 'My Mom's going to hear me
At the end of each weekly Lesson he would always say 'My Mom's going to hear me
Play someday'. But to me, it seemed hopeless, he just did not have any Inborn Ability.
I only knew his Mother from a distance as she dropped Robby off or waited in her
I only knew his Mother from a distance as she dropped Robby off or waited in her
aged Car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled, but never dropped in.
Then one day Robby stopped coming for his Lessons. I thought about calling him, but
Then one day Robby stopped coming for his Lessons. I thought about calling him, but
Assumed that because of his lack of Ability he had decided to pursue something else.
I was also glad that he had stopped coming.
He was a Bad Advertisement for my Teaching!
Several Weeks later I mailed a flyer recital to the Students' homes.
To my surprise, Robby (who had received a flyer) asked if he could be in the Recital.
Several Weeks later I mailed a flyer recital to the Students' homes.
To my surprise, Robby (who had received a flyer) asked if he could be in the Recital.
I told him that the Recital was for current Pupils and that because he had dropped
out, he really did not Qualify.
He told me that his Mother had been Sick and Unable to take him to his piano lessons,
He told me that his Mother had been Sick and Unable to take him to his piano lessons,
but that he had been practicing. 'Please Miss Honor, I've just got to Play' he insisted.
I don't know what led me to allow him to play in the Recital - perhaps it was his
insistence or maybe something inside of me saying that it would be all right.
The night of the Recital came and the high school gymnasium was packed with Parents,
insistence or maybe something inside of me saying that it would be all right.
The night of the Recital came and the high school gymnasium was packed with Parents,
Relatives and Friends. I put Robby last in the Program, just before I was to come up
and thank all the Students and Play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he
might do would come at the end of the Program and I could always salvage his poor
performance through my 'Curtain Closer'.
Well, the Recital went off without a Hitch, the Students had been Practicing and it
performance through my 'Curtain Closer'.
Well, the Recital went off without a Hitch, the Students had been Practicing and it
Showed. Then Robby came up on the stage. His Clothes were Wrinkled and his Hair
looked as though he had run an egg beater through it. 'Why wasn't he dressed up like
the other Students?' I thought. 'Why didn't his Mother at least make him Comb his
Hair for this Special Night?'
Robby pulled out the Piano bench, and I was Surprised when he announced that he
Robby pulled out the Piano bench, and I was Surprised when he announced that he
had chosen to play Mozart's Concerto No.21 in C Major. I was not prepared for
what I heard next. His fingers were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on
the Ivories. He went from Pianissimo to Fortissimo, from Allegro to Virtuoso;
his Suspended Chords that Mozart demands were Magnificent! Never had I heard
Mozart played so well by anyone his age. After six and a half minutes he ended in a
Grand Crescendo, and everyone was on their feet in Wild Applause!
Overcome and in Tears, I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in Joy.
Overcome and in Tears, I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in Joy.
'I have never heard you Play like that Robby, how did you do it?' Through the
Microphone Robby explained: 'Well, Miss Honor, Remember I told you that my
Mom was sick? Well, she actually had Cancer and Passed Away this Morning.
And well... she was Born Deaf, so tonight was the first time she had ever heard
And well... she was Born Deaf, so tonight was the first time she had ever heard
me Play, and I wanted to make it Special.'
There wasn't a Dry Eye in the house that evening. As People from Social Services
There wasn't a Dry Eye in the house that evening. As People from Social Services
led Robby from the stage to be placed in to Foster Care, I noticed that even their
Eyes were red and Puffy. I thought to myself then how much Richer my Life had
been for taking Robby as my Pupil.
No, I have never had a Prodigy, but that night I became a Prodigy... of Robby.
No, I have never had a Prodigy, but that night I became a Prodigy... of Robby.
He was the Teacher and I was the Pupil, for he had taught me the meaning of
Perseverance and Love and Believing in Yourself, and may be even taking a chance
on someone and you didn't know why.
Robby was Killed years later in the Senseless Bombing of the Alfred P. Murray
Robby was Killed years later in the Senseless Bombing of the Alfred P. Murray
Federal Building in Oklahoma City in April, 1995.
A Footnote to the story. If you are thinking about Forwarding this Message, you
A Footnote to the story. If you are thinking about Forwarding this Message, you
are probably wondering which People on your address list appreciates
this type of Message. The Person who sent this to you believes that we can all make a Difference!So many seemingly Trivial Interactions between two People present us with a
Choice. Do we Act with Compassion or do we Pass up that Opportunity.
You Now Have Two Choices:
1. Delete this; OR2. Forward it to the People you care about. You know the choice I made.
Thank you for reading this.. May God Bless You Today, Tomorrow and Always.
If God didn't have a Purpose for us, we wouldn't be here!
Thanks Randy
HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE
PLEASE DO NOT GOOGLE THIS ONE OR CHECK WITH SNOPES,
THEY WILL LIE TO YOU. TRUST ME!
THEY WILL LIE TO YOU. TRUST ME!
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short). Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that's the truth. I would not make up this stuff.
Thanks Ivan
Friday, November 6, 2015
REST IN PEACE GEORGE BARRIS and THANK YOU
Batmobile Creator George Barris Dies at 89
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/george-barris-dead-batmobile-creator-837553
Cracked
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of
a pole which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and
always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked
pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home
only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and
miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to
the woman one day by the stream.
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to
leak out all the way back to your house.'
The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your
side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'
'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted
flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk
back, you water them.'
For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to
decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty
to grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we
each have that make our lives together so very interesting and
rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the
good in them.
SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to
smell the flowers on your side of the path!
Thanks Norman
a pole which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and
always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked
pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home
only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and
miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to
the woman one day by the stream.
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to
leak out all the way back to your house.'
The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your
side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'
'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted
flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk
back, you water them.'
For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to
decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty
to grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we
each have that make our lives together so very interesting and
rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the
good in them.
SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to
smell the flowers on your side of the path!
Thanks Norman
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