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Sunday, March 31, 2013

Sunday's Vehicle



Happy Easter



HAPPY EASTER

 

Holy Humour

Take a few minutes to brighten your day.

HOLY HUMOR

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Christians do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms.

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.

UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do "his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and SHE knows how to cook.

THE BIBLE
Did you know that... When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache. When you open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints. Let's read the Bible every day so he keeps on fainting. Maybe one day he'll have a stroke and never wake up. And did you also know that when you are about to forward this email to others. The devil will discourage you, but forward it anyway. Make someone's day. Smile and have a day filled with laughter!
May the Lord bless and keep you.
 
Thanks Sam/Ellen

HAPPY EASTER!










Thanks Millie

Land of Dreams


The Ultimate Golf Fail Compilation

This might look familiar...to some people ...

http://clipnation.com/ultimate-golf-fail-compilation/


Cheers,Millie

Thanks Millie

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Saturday's Vehicle



***URGENT*** Photo of Ron Powe needed

Hi Bob . I would appreciate it you would post a shoutout to your subscribers. I am searching for a photo of one Ron Powe who has passed away. He and his wife Jennifer ( I can't locate her and their son Glen has also passed away) were the founders of the Greenfield Park Figure Skating Club and Ron is being nominated as a possible inductee to the Greenfield Park Sports Wall of Fame in the builder category. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated and people can contact me through you. Thanks. John

Thanks John ..... can anyone help John obtain a photo of Ron Powe?

We have a winner - we just don't have a prize

Correct-o-mundo, John McC.
It is the Mustache Club on Closse St, right
accross from the Montreal Forum. It was my
hang-out place on Saturday nights, then on Friday
nights, then on Thursday nights.

Thanks Joe Y.... well done John

Emeli Sandé - Next To Me

This was a song I heard for the first time on Oct 27 and that was the day my son passed away. It has a very special meaning for me.. Enjoy

Greenfield Park Corner











Nightmare

NIGHTMARE at the Hospital Emergency Room Emoji
It was 5:15 PM on Wednesday, about 1 year ago when my nose started
to bleed. This has happened 3 times in the past 12 years. It is
due to the dryness in the house. (now, I have a humidifier by my
bedside)

My first thought was, I'll just get it cauterized and stuffed - not a
problem. After several changes of gauze, I was ready to drive
to the Joseph Brant Hospital (Burlington, Ontario)
I walked into the Emergency room at about 5:45 PM to see only 4 people waiting.
The room was quiet, actually peaceful....okay, this won't take long at all.
I checked-in at the nurse's station, answered a few skill-testing questions
then, took a seat in the waiting room. I was called within 20 minutes.
I was escorted through a set of doors... That's when the nightmare began.
Beyond these doors was a dimly-lit wide hallway with rooms on one side
and a large alcove-type area on the other side, filled with beds. There were
patients in the beds and I saw two cops standing around. I think they
were involved with a domestic abuse case. There was a lot of talking,
some patients moaning and the nursing staff scurrying about as well as a lot
of people standing around - I guess they were the family members.
The nurse attempted several times to place me in a room, where
a doctor would attend to me, but all were occupied.
Finally, I was placed in what resembled like a large combination
supply/waiting room. There were several other people in this room.
We started talking. A man was just being released. He had been there
since Noon. A woman was with her 92 year old Mother, who had chest pains,
had been there since 3:00 PM -- with no explanation from the Dr. why they
had been waiting so long. Same with me, now it was getting onto 8:00 PM, I
was getting frustrated with the wait as was the woman with her Mother.
Imagine - a 92 year old woman, in for chest pains, hungry, tired and waiting
in a wheel chair. The Dr. took me at 9:50 PM. He told me that he couldn't
see where I was bleeding from, so he could not cauterize. He could pack
my nostril but did not know if the bleeding would stop. I said - forget it
and I left at 10:00 PM, however, not before going back to the 92 year old
woman and her daughter and wishing them "good luck".
I wasted $15.00 on parking to boot !!
What a total waste.
What sparked me to write this article, stems from the story my wife told me
yesterday. An elderly woman that she bowls with, admitted herself to the
Joseph Brant Hospital with high blood pressure - only to wait 6 hours. She
left without being attended to. She mentioned to my wife after this incident,
that she would rather die at home. That's why she left.
No improvement with Emergency wait times what so ever- disgusting !!!
 
Thanks Joe Y

Visit to the Park

HI BOB,
NICE VISIT IN G.PK. TODAY AT THE CANADA DRIVE IN, EX FAIRFIELD BOY WINSTON SWINWOOD WITH HIS LOVELY WIFE
HAVE A GOOD DAY MY FAVORITE POPE
NORMAND SIMARD
 
Thanks Normand
 
 

New 100% all American Motor cycle.


Thanks Kerry

Walking the Dog

 
 
This is short and oh so sweet

Thanks Penny
 

WHY WE SHOOT DEER



Why we shoot deer in the wild in Saskatchewan. (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up - 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.
The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set beforehand....kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ...... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are s surprisingly sharp ... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal - like a horse - strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down..

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God... An Educated Farmer.


Thanks Randy

FISHING AND MARRIAGE

 
 
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his fishing equipment.
His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After along period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we're married I think it's time you quit fishing.
Maybe you should sell your rods, boat and trailer."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't! "
 
Thanks Randy

Friday, March 29, 2013

Friday's Vehicle


*** URGENT*** Photo of Ron Powe needed

Hi Bob . I would appreciate it you would post a shoutout to your subscribers. I am searching for a photo of one Ron Powe who has passed away. He and his wife Jennifer ( I can't locate her and their son Glen has also passed away) were the founders of the Greenfield Park Figure Skating Club and Ron is being nominated as a possible inductee to the Greenfield Park Sports Wall of Fame in the builder category. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated and people can contact me through you. Thanks. John

Thanks John ..... can anyone help John obtain a photo of Ron Powe?

Who remembers this club

Sounds like the "cock n'bull" to me.
IvanR
 
Thanks Ivan
 
*****************************************************************************************
 
Hi Bob,my guess re the bar quiz is " Your Fathers Mustache" on Closse Street and it was stop # 2 on my downtown ramblings after a stop at #1 "The Cock 'n Bull" on St. Catharine near Fort St during Centennial Year. JMcc
 
Thanks John McC
 
We'll have to wait for Judge Joey to determine the winning guess. I am afraid those were my temperance days .... LOL

The oppression of English in Quebec - My opinion

I was born and brought up in Quebec. My mother and fathers first language was French. Both sides of the family were fluently bilingual.

Everything we see and hear tells us that The Parti Quebecois is trying to oppress the English speaking minority within the Province of Quebec however what people, especially the media are missing, is that the legislation is directed more at the French speaking Quebecois than at the damn square heads.

I lived through the FLQ crisis in Quebec and then the rise of the PQ and Rene Levesque. I watched and listened to the so called French intellects as they spewed their hate message, not to, but at the French Quebecois. My children required certificates permitting them to attend English language schools. Our foster children required proof that their mother's mother tongue was English.

One particular TV encounter stands out in my mind and instilled the idea that this whole argument had little to do with the elimination of English but rather the controlling and oppression of their own people.

There were two groups sitting on grandstand style seats in the studio, French on the left, English on the right. While there were interpreters the majority on both sides spoke in English.... the one comment that stands out above all others was by a University of Montreal professor who, in perfect English, said that children could not be expected to excel in school if they had to learn two languages. It was then and there that I realized .... its not about me or my language it is about control over the people of Quebec.

Let's not forget that English and the ability to converse in one, two, three or more languages is essential to ones growth especially here in North America where English is spoken to the east, west and south.

Where do you travel if you cannot converse in English as well as French? How do you move up in an international company if you do not speak English. Why limit yourself to only those companies that are uni lingual. Many companies outside of Quebec insist on fluent bilingualism, and not just French/English but Spanish, German and Mandarin to name a few.

So get over it Pauline and stop limiting your people from expanding their knowledge and opportunity.


Conservatives abdicate Canada's International obligations

The Conservatives quietly abdicated their international responsibilities by dropping out of the UN convention to combat drought. It is bad enough that they have turned their backs on the environment but now they bow out of the convention like cowards.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/dailybrew/canada-quietly-pulls-un-convention-combat-drought-desertification-183238714.html

"Whether you like it or not, Prime Minister Stephen Harper's Conservative government is reshaping Canada's relationship with the rest of the world.

From last year's withdrawal from the admittedly ineffectual Kyoto Protocol on climate change — which as CBC News noted will save the government $14 billion in penalties for missing its targets — to the disappearance of the Canadian International Development Agency (CIDA) as a stand-alone body, Ottawa seems to be abandoning the multilateralist approach that dominated its post-war foreign policy."

The money that Canada had contributed to the convention between 2010 and 2012 was $283,000 or the equivalent of a tightwad giving their grandchild 25 cents to spend at the corner store.... it buys nothing in today's World.

Baird suggested Ottawa defunded the round table because the government did not want to pay for advice that didn't jibe with its policies, CP said.

The Tories are also under fire for preventing government scientists from discussing their work publicly, and for shutting down the Experimental Lakes Area in northern Ontario, which scientists see as vital window onto the impact of global environmental threats.

Withdrawing from the UN convention on desertification “shows … that the government is clearly outside of what is international norms here," NDP foreign affairs critic Paul Dewar told CP. "We’re increasing our isolation by doing this.”

To compound this neglect of mankind's need for survival the Conservatives, in linking Foreign Affairs and CIDA, are making International Aid and commercial interests a priority over World needs. Your tax dollar will be used to further industry internationally.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/international-aid-serve-canadas-commercial-interests-090353909.html

2 yr old bedtime bandit

Thanks Sylvia

And Then It's Winter ~ Grandma Faith's

When you click to open site below,when it opens there will be a pretty house pic. below that will
be a black type bar with an arrow,click on that, it will start the music,then read poem..beautiful..


And Then It's Winter ~ Grandma Faith's

Click below..
 
Thanks Millie

Coconut Oil - A real eye opener! Must read

Coconut oil
THIS SHOULD MAKE US SIT UP AND PAY ATTENTION.
After watching this video I'm sure going to look into this and check it out.If this is true I'm headed straight to the food store and buy some and start taking it every day.
Thanks Sam/Ellen 

Dog pees on electric fence


Thanks Kerry ... I saw something similar years ago at a dog show in Greenfield Park. An Irish Wolfhound raised his leg and peed on an electrical outlet.... sparks flew, the dog yelped and typically it struck everyones funny bone .... but not the dogs

Irish Alzheimer's

 
 
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal Mc Glynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided ya would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."

Wolf Sanctuary - Pack Howling


Thanks Sylvia

Bob the hampster

Follow the instructions below
Be sure to watch the entire film - don't quit when the credits come on ~
The ending is really after the credits.
Thanks Kerry .... I am getting tired of being compared to a hampster 

Ipad stand for the Y generation


Thanks Kerry

Roswell , New Mexico

 
 
This clears up a huge question --- 1947

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little more than 64 years ago, numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object, (UFO), with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico.

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April, year 1948, nine months after the historic day, the following people were born:

Barrack Obama
Albert A. Gore
Hillary Rodham
William J. Clinton
John F. Kerry
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
Joe Biden

......... And we suffer the consequences of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses !

Thanks Randy

Darned clever, these Canadians !!!!!!!

 
Perhaps America, Australia and Europe & AFRICA MUST consider changing their currencies too.
Due to the global war on terrorism, many terrorist organizations have had their finances frozen.
Consequently, they have resorted to counterfeiting.
Muslim terrorists have to kill themselves if they see a naked woman.
This will also get rid of some of THE FANATICAL ONES !!!!!
The Canadians have decided to redesign their currency to prevent the radical Muslims from even touching it !!!
It is also hoped that this will have a positive effect on tourism.Those Canadians HAVE FOUND the BEST solution
 
Thanks Heidemarie
 


 

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Thursdays Vehicle



A blast from the past - name this night club


I was doing some packing yesterday afternoon and came across a vintage record album
from 1967. I thought it would be interesting to share some memories with you.

* The owner changed it's name to ____________ and re-opened in 1967.
* After every set the band would play, C-A-N-A-D-A and the customers
would climb onto the tables and chairs and sing along.
* The Club sold 700-800 styrofoam straw hats per week and two tons
of peanuts per month.
* It started as a freindly bar in Montreal's West end and wound up being
the World's neighborhood saloon.
* A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum.

Thanks Joe .... who remembers this club????

Correction

Hello Bob,


Thank you for your kind words regarding our move to Cornwall.
We are already feeling the sadness of leaving Burlington. We will especially miss the people and friends that became so much a part of our life.
We close in eight weeks, so I'll will be around for a short while yet. It is a shame that we just met (at Walmart) and the opportunity of "bumping" into you again is probably very slim, however, I am always on the lookout Bob.
I will still read and contribute to the blog.
One correction however - Randy and my wife are cousins. (Randy set Lezlie and I up on a blind date one day --- and in April, 2013, we will celebrate 40 years of marriage). Randy and my parents lived beside each other at 21 (if memory serves me correctly) Greenfield Street before Randy and I were born, so one could say that I have known Randy since "minute one"
Thanks, Joe
 
Thanks Joe.... I have these senior moments when my mind wanders LOL

Great shot !!!!!

This is the golfer that my nephew Joey caddies for on the PGA Tour.....
Great shot !!!!!
If you watch at the end you can see caddy Joey giving him his putter after the shot.
It was Joey I visited this winter in Phoenix.

 
Thanks Ralph

Only Italians can do this!

Andrea Dovizioso


Marco Biaggi


Valentino Rossi


Francesco Schettino

Thanks Randy

PIPE LINE WWII


You may have already known of this, but I sure didn't. In spite of having watched a lot of film about WW II and the European theater, I never thought to wonder how all the military vehicles were supplied with fuel. They sure couldn't just stop at the corner station and fill up their tank or jeep gas tank. I found this film fascinating.
click below:

Why I Like Retirement !


Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday


Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after (s)he falls asleep in the recliner.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.


Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Very true

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. Sometime 15%. 32% in the Philippines

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.


Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS! So true

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.


Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.


Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.



And, my very favourite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied...
'Two years older than me.'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun finding them.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I
got my leotards on,
the class was over.


An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

'
Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
Works for me.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the
difference.

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing. 
 
Thanks John McC