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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wednesday's Vehicle

A Special Talent in Burlington

In life we pass strangers, particularly young people, and we look past them rather than at them. I have noticed this young lady many times but never took the time to really see or watch her. She is usually here setting up her line and I never understood what she was about to do..... 


I hope her parents, family and friends have been more attentive than I.... she is quite talented




One must admire not only her talent but her willingness to step out from the pack and distinguish herself as different from the other women her age .... she is a wonderful example to those who dare to be different.


video


Today I was privileged with having her permission to photograph and film her for my blog ...


Thank you young lady and keep up the good work

NUT-S2U under fire in the House of Commons

The NDP are questioning the rights of bulls everywhere saying that it is cruel and unusual to remove and sell Rockie Mountain Oysters.

The male members of the NDP Caucus sat cross legged throughout question period. They could be seen avoiding any contact with the Minister responsible outside the Commons.

The Harper Government Minister assured the house that she, personally participated in the extraction of Oysters from a standing bull with no outward signs of discomfort. She is confident that the system is both sanitary and painless saying she felt nothing.

In a statement outside the Commons the Harper Minister stated that she was unaware that extraction was performed using only the teeth however she rather enjoyed the experience.

The Liberals, on the other hand, accused the PMO of misrepresenting the financial impact of Bill NUT-S2U. While they had no problem with the cost to taxpayers they felt the return on investment was overstated.

Outside the Commons the Liberal MP stated that Bill NUT-S2U left a bad taste in his mouth.

Canada Fit in or F#@% Off





Hi again from the west. A friend of mine sent me a picture of a Canadian flag with the words "Canada, Fit in, or f#@% off" stitched on it. Sure wish I could find where they sell them. I would buy a couple of hundred and hand them out at the airport. God, I love this country, and I hate what ALL the elected a**holes do to it in the name of humanity; be it PC. LIB or, God forbid, NDP. Have a nice day, Pete.
By Pete from Medicine hat on Entitlement at 3:17 AM

Thanks "Pissed off Pete".... my sentiments exactly and I am sure it is that of all True Canadians. Unfortunately many of us prefer to remain in the background, afraid to offend those who seek "citizenship of convenience" and want to change our society to one they ran away from. While I have the Canadian flag to which you refer I think I will defer from posting it...... my grandkids read my blog from time to time and I would hate for my daughter-in-law to send me to the penalty box..... right Tracy?


Hang on Pete.... what the hell are you doing up at 3:17 am ..... are you a hooker????

***** WARNING *****

1-900 CELL PHONE SCAM
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE RESPOND TO A MESSAGE WITH A CALL BACK NUMBER STARTING WITH
1-900
MY WIFE WORKS RETAIL AND YESTERDAY THE 25TH OF FEBRUARY
CLIENTS WERE RECEIVING MESSAGES THAT THEIR CARD ACCOUNT FOR THE STORE WAS LOCKED THEY WERE TO CALL A 1-900 NUMBER TO CORRECT THE ERROR
AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE TOLD THEM TO
KEY IN THEIR ACCOUNT
AFTER DOING SO ONE WOMANS CELL PHONE STARTED TO RING BACK
EVEN THOSE WHO DID NOT KEY IN THEIR CARD NUMBER RECEIVED CALL BACKS EVERY FEW MINUTES
Bob Hawkins (Blog Host)

Inside Every Good Dog is A Great Dog - Purina® Pro Plan® Commercial




Every dog breed, big or small, purebred or mutt, has something amazing within them. Knowing what your dog has been bred for could be the key to unlocking the greatness inside.

Thanks Sylvia

If you can put this puzzle together, say goodbye to Alzheimer's!

As we older people get older still we all need to be concerned with Alzheimer's disease. This puzzle is easy to put together if you are not affected by Alzheimer's disease, but impossible to do for someone with the disease. Give it a try. If this puzzle is particularly difficult for you then your physician can offer you additional testing to check you for Alzheimer's. The sooner you deal with the disease the more years you will enjoy life. There have been some very remarkable new discoveries over the last year or two in the research to cure the disease. Nothing yet cures it but electrical stimulation of the brain seems the most promising along with other new drugs.
A really neat puzzle
http://www.brl.ntt.co.jp/people/hara/fly.swf
If you can put this puzzle together. Say goodbye to Alzheimers
Thanks Sam/Ellen

No Swimsuits in the Lobby!

 
In this short attached video, the hostess in the lobby of a big hotel informs a senior citizen that no bathing suits are allowed in the lobby. Score one more for seniors!
Like someone said, "Don't mess with old people. They're already angry because they're old and you have absolutely no chance of winning.
 
video
Thanks Kerry

BLACK DIAMOND JET TEAM TEASER

America's Premier Civilian Squadron

The Black Diamond Jet Team is a seven-ship aerobatic civilian-owned jet team. The team is fully-sponsored by United Bank Card, Inc. The sponsorship enables the team to be a featured act for shows not hosting a military jet team. With five L-39s and two Mig-17s all in the Arctic camouflage paint scheme, the Lakeland, FL based Black Diamond Jet Team is an exciting addition to the current demonstration teams available to air shows, as well as for private and sporting event flyovers.


BLACK DIAMOND JET TEAM TEASER

Thanks Sylvia

Pendulums in motion

The scientific explanation notwithstanding, this is some neat stuff to watch!

Harvard built a device with a series of fifteen pendulums in a row, each one of them slightly longer than its neighbor.
The pendulums were set into motion and the result was captured on video.
The patterns that appear in this short video are fascinating to watch.
Prepare to be captivated by this simple device!

Click here:

Thanks Kerry

 

Cool Pictures 2







Thanks Sylvia

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Tuesday's Vehicle

PLOT TO KILL POUTINE

This blogger has received confidential insider information from the PMO that they plan to introduce bill NUT-S2U to kill the sale of poutine.



The Prime Ministers Office feels it is in the National interest to kill this Quebec delicacy to protect Canadian unity.

Their plan is to introduce bill NUT-S2U in the House of Commons outlawing the making and selling of Quebec curd cheese, Quebec poutine and any variation of this delicacy.

As an alternative the PMO plans on declaring the Rockie Mountain Oyster as Canada's National fast food. MandaTORY minimum jail terms of 3 years for the preparation or sale of poutine are to be a part of this bill.



To further promote their new National Fast Food bill the PMO plans on sending each household a two year supply of Rocky Mountain Oyster coupons for the local fast food restaurant.

Minister John Baird said NUT-S2U will only cost the taxpayer 900 million dollars but is expected to bring the Rockie Mountain region an annual return of 3 million dollars.

Canada goes nuts

Bon Appetit Canada

E-Mail Tracker Programs - how to protect yourself

E-Mail Tracker Programs -- very interesting and a must read!

The man that sent this information is a computer tech. He spends a lot of time clearing the junk off computers for people and listens to complaints about speed. All forwards are not bad, just some. Be sure you read the very last paragraph.
_________________________________________

He wrote:
By now, I suspect everyone is familiar withsnopes.comand/or truthorfiction.com for determining whether information received via email is just that: true/false or fact/fiction. Both are excellent sites.

Advice from snopes.com VERY IMPORTANT!!

1) Any time you see an email that says "forward this on to '10' (or however many) of your friends", "sign this petition", or "you'll get bad luck" or "you'll get good luck" or "you'll see something funny on your screen after you send it" or whatever --- it almost always has an email tracker program attached that tracks the cookies and emails of those folks you forward to. The host sender is getting a copy each time it gets forwarded and then is able to get lists of 'active' email addresses to use in SPAM emails or sell to other Spammers. Even when you get emails that demand you send the email on if you're not ashamed of God/Jesus --- that is email tracking, and they are playing on our conscience. These people don't care how they get your email addresses - just as long as they get them. Also, emails that talk about a missing child or a child with an incurable disease "how would you feel if that was your child" --- email tracking. Ignore them and don't participate!

2) Almost all emails that ask you to add your name and forward on to others are similar to that mass letter years ago that asked people to send business cards to the little kid in Florida who wanted to break the Guinness Book of Records for the most cards. All it was, and all any of this type of email is, is a way to get names and 'cookie' tracking information for telemarketers andSpammers -- to validate active email accounts for their own profitable purposes.

You can do your Friends and Family members a GREAT favor by sending this information to them. You will be providing a service to your friends. And you will be rewarded by not getting thousands of spam emails in the future!

Do yourself a favor and STOP adding your name(s) to those types of listing regardless how inviting they might sound! Or make you feel guilty if you don't! It's all about getting email addresses and nothing more.

You may think you are supporting a GREAT cause, but you are NOT!

Instead, you will be getting tons of junk mail later and very possibly a virus attached! Plus, we are helping theSpammers get rich! Let's not make it easy for them!

ALSO: Email petitions are NOT acceptable to government or any other organization - e.g. Social security, etc. To be acceptable, petitions must have a "signed signature" and full address of the person signing the petition, so this is a waste of time and you are just helping the email trackers.

NB
And another important point is to delete all previous names from your emails before forwarding!!! Send emails to your entire address list BCC then everyone after you doesn't get your friend's email address.
Tips for Handling Telemarketers
Three Little Words That Work!!
(1)The three little words are: 'Hold On, Please...'
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear the phone company's 'beep-beep-beep' tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.
These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting..

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a 'real' sales person to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialled the call, and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer!!!
(3) Junk Mail Help:


When you get ads enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these ads with your payment.
Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those 'pre-approved' letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right?
It costs them more than the regular postage, 'IF' and when they receive them back.
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.
One of Andy Rooney 's (60 minutes) ideas.

Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back!


If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.
You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 60 cents.
The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!
Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea!
If enough people follow these tips, it will work. I have been doing this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.

THIS JUST MIGHT BE ONE E-MAIL THAT YOU WILL WANT TO FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS


Thanks Heidemarie

Irish Alzheimer's

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. 

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass.
What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat.
I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday .
I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church.
So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat.

What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said; "After I talked about ' Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery '

I remembered where I left me hat ."


Thanks Norman

Cool Pictures







Thanks Sylvia

SOMEONE ORDER KFC???



Thanks Sylvia

Dog or Seal?



Incredible dog can balance a ball on his nose and bounce it up and down...he even attempts spin moves. The cool thing is that the dog was never taught this, according to his owner. He learned it out of a sheer love for the art and he practices daily.

Thanks Sylvia

EVER WONDER WHY THEY ALWAYS USE WOMEN FOR CALENDARS? (Deja Viewed)










Just doesn't have the same feel, does it? 
 
Thanks Richard

You should not upset a Nurse

You should not upset a Nurse
A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the
hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed
them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital
staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She
came into his room and announced, "I have to take your
temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally
settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this
reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another
round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his
behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her
announce,"I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT
until I get back!"
She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed
under his breath as he heard people walking past his door,
laughing.....
After about 20 minutes, the man's doctor came into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you
ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confessed..... "Not with a Daffodil."

Thanks Norman

Monday, February 27, 2012

Monday's Vehicle

****** WARNING ******

1-900 CELL PHONE SCAM


DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE RESPOND TO A MESSAGE WITH A CALL BACK NUMBER STARTING WITH

1-900


MY WIFE WORKS RETAIL AND YESTERDAY THE 25TH OF FEBRUARY
CLIENTS WERE RECEIVING MESSAGES THAT THEIR CARD ACCOUNT FOR THE STORE WAS LOCKED THEY WERE TO CALL A 1-900 NUMBER TO CORRECT THE ERROR

AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE TOLD THEM TO
KEY IN THEIR ACCOUNT

AFTER DOING SO ONE WOMANS CELL PHONE STARTED TO RING BACK

EVEN THOSE WHO DID NOT KEY IN THEIR CARD NUMBER RECEIVED CALL BACKS EVERY FEW MINUTES

Bob Hawkins (Blog Host)

Comment on the blog

I am the one who responded to your post on tuesday Feb. 21/2012. If you go back and read your post, It was you who suggested that Ont. Que. and the Atlantic provences should seperate, not me. I was only saying if you wanted to, go ahead. A little background about myself. I was born in Ont. in 1944 (not a youngster, sorry to say). I grew up in Montreal, which is still the best city in the world, bar none. I left Que.when Rene Levesque was elected. I moved to Calgary as one of the Eastern bums and creeps, as per R Klein. (sure wish I knew how to start a new paragraph). I didn't like it when the seperatists talked about seperation, and I sure as hell don't like it now. I am a flag waving Canadian and damn proude of it. If you are pissed off because a Westerner was elected P.M. tough shit. It was the best choice for Canada, and probably for the west.But a hell of a lot of votes came from Ont. too. I suppose you think Iggy or Giles would have been a better choice? Just suck it up for now, and in about 3 years you can choose again. So stop your whining, and be proud to live in the best country in the world. If you don't like it, you can always seperate by yourself. Pack your bags and go live in Iran or some other fine country. Excuse my rant, but anyone talking about breaking up this country needs a kick in the ass, you included. My name is Pete, and I approved this message.
Thanks for your response "Pissed off Pete in Alberta" ,,,, for the record I too do not believe in separation .... I wrote that little scenario to illicit dialogue .... unfortunately you are the only one to speak out.... that is not to say I don't appreciate your comments and sentiments, I do, however I am disappointed that it was only you...
Your response will help a friend breath easier.... you see she lives in Harpers riding and is also an ex-Montrealer as am I. .... I now live in Ontario having moved out of Quebec during the Levesque era ..... strangely I too was born in 1944 ...... we sound like "brothers from another mother"
Again thank you for your response and thank you for reading my blog

GAS THE CANARIES

Conservatives sacrifice a lowly assistant.


If my memory serves me right it was John Baird who crashed a committee meeting and in his typical "Insane Bullying"  insisted that MP's were responsible for their workers.


I guess that when in a minority honour comes easy

when it comes to a majority it is fleeting

In typical spineless fashion they turned their backs on a lowly worker and fired him for so called Robo-Calls


Entitlement

‘Entitlement’ my ass, I paid cash for my OAS!!! Just because they borrowed the money, doesn't make my benefits some kind of charity or handout !! Government benefits, aka free healthcare, outrageous retirement packages, 67 paid holidays, 20 weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick days, now that's welfare, and they have the nerve to call my retirement, an ‘entitlement’ !!!!!!.....scroll down................




What the HELL's wrong with us???



WAKE UP CANADA !!!!

Someone please tell me what the HELL's wrong with all the people that run this country!!!!!!

We're "broke" & can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc.,???????????


In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti , Chile , and Turkey . And now Khanistan , Pakistan ......home of bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!

Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income' receive no aid nor do they get any breaks while our government and religious organizations pour Hundreds of Billions of $$$$$$'s and Tons of Food to Foreign Countries!


They call Social Security and Healthcare an entitlement even though most of us have been paying for it all our working lives and now when it’s time for us to collect, the government is running out of money. Why did the government borrow from it in the first place?



We have hundreds of adoptable children who are shoved aside to make room for the adoption of foreign orphans.

CANADA: a country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed hungry, elderly going without 'needed' meds, and mentally ill without treatment -etc, etc.


YET.....................

They have a 'Benefit' for the people of Haiti ships and planes lining up with food, water, tents, clothes, bedding, doctors, and medical supplies.


Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave 'US' the same support they give to other countries.

Sad isn't it?


99% of people won't have the guts to forward this.
I'm one of the 1% -- I Just Did.
Thanks Penny ..... how true

Attitude Meter



JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF
YOU GIVE A RAT'S ASS TODAY...


Nope!
Barely moved for me either!
Hope you have a great day!!!!
Keep Smiling -
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
let go of what you can't change.
Thanks Penny.....


NOTICE TO HUNTERS: "SHAME ON YOU"

This is from a San Francisco newspaper!

 Folks, just remember as you read this, this person probably drives AND votes!
And, may have already reproduced!

Thanks Randy

VIDEO JUSTICE - CLERK SHOOTS CROOK

Crook gets a taste of his own medicine


VIDEO JUSTICE - CLERK SHOOTS CROOK

Thanks Sylvia..... good shooting mama

Aussie Wedding Night

Aussie stockman and his wife had just got married and found a quiet hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong bed."

The clerk winked, 'You want the 'Bridal'?'

The drover reflected on this for a moment and then replied,
"Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."
 
Thanks Randy

IT'S FINALLY HERE!! ONLY FROM NEWFOUNDLAND!!

What took them so long
Finally - A wine glass that makes sense !!


Thanks Randy

Letter from an Alberta Mom

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognise the house when you get home - because we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved 25 miles to Three Hills.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle. Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!
Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Distillery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

I'm sorry to say that your idiot cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.
I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn't bad here. It only snowed twice this week, first for three days and then for four days Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday.. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He wound down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the flatbed at the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much has happened.
Your loving Mum.

P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.
Thanks Randy

Birth of a Giraffe

VOUS NE VERREZ PAS CELA TRES SOUVENT !

Thanks Ellen/Sam

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Sunday's Vehicle

***** WARNING *****

1-900 CELL PHONE SCAM
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE RESPOND TO A MESSAGE WITH A CALL BACK NUMBER STARTING WITH
1-900
MY WIFE WORKS RETAIL AND YESTERDAY THE 25TH OF FEBRUARY
CLIENTS WERE RECEIVING MESSAGES THAT THEIR CARD ACCOUNT FOR THE STORE WAS LOCKED THEY WERE TO CALL A 1-900 NUMBER TO CORRECT THE ERROR
AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE TOLD THEM TO
KEY IN THEIR ACCOUNT
AFTER DOING SO ONE WOMANS CELL PHONE STARTED TO RING BACK
EVEN THOSE WHO DID NOT KEY IN THEIR CARD NUMBER RECEIVED CALL BACKS EVERY FEW MINUTES
Bob Hawkins (Blog Host)

"Judas Asparagus":

(This is amazing and should bring tears of laughter to your eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching?)
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. Here is what was written:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell




In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check. After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat. Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother. One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David.. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.') During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans.
Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.



Thanks Marc

Are you Kathlic?

THREE LITTLE BOYS
were concerned because they couldn't get
anyone to play with them


They decided it was because they had not been baptized and
didn't go to Sunday school


So they went to the nearest church. But, only the janitor was there


One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one
will come out and play with us.
Will you baptize us?"


Sure," said the janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads
in the toilet bowl, one at a time.
Then he said, "You are now baptized!"



When they got outside, one of them asked,
"'What religion do you think we are?"


The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick,
because they pour the water on you.."

"We're not Babtis,
because they dunk all of you in the water."
"We're not Methdiss,
because they just sprinkle water on you."


The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?
They all joined in asking, 'Yeah! What do you think that means?'

 "I think it means we're Pisskopailians!"
Thanks Norman